So I was going to use my first entry to tell you, dear reader, a little about myself, but a possible tragedy has stopped me in my key strokes.
FEM, my very own FedEx man, might have been moved to a different route. At four o’clock every afternoon, FEM saunters into my life to pick up any outgoing packages, and takes just a tiny piece of my soul with him.
Think of every attractive young delivery man cliché out there and that is FEM. He even winks (yes, you read that right, he WINKS) at me every time he opens that mouth and speaks those saucy words “see you tomorrow.” At first I was (as any cold, withdrawing young woman would be) put off by his overt familiarity but day by day, eyelash flutter by eyelash flutter, his winking wormed its way into my heart.
I started making sure I was at my desk at four, and even when he started coming later, making the time he arrived vary between four o’clock and five o’clock, I would faithfully wait for him.
Neither having to use the restroom, nor get the mail, nor any actually work related activity could cause me to leave my station when FEM had not yet arrived.
Then today, when the clock chimed four, a different FedEx man walked through my door. He was a perfectly nice man, even giving me extra FedEx Paks, but my heart was cold. Maybe FEM has found a new woman to wink at, or maybe he was found brutally murdered in his (what I would only imagine to be) small, sparsely decorated apartment that showed his interest in film noir and women who decorate cakes.
While I’ll always hope it was the latter, I will think back fondly of my time with FEM, and maybe, one day, we’ll meet again, at that flashy Broadway musical in the sky.
A Simple Office Tragedy
