Awkward Vignettes

January 26, 2011

giant stuffed animal

This photo has been incorrectly labeled awkward. It should be under awesome.

Airborne particles are real.

At least, that’s what I tell myself regarding my belief that no toilet should have to suffer through the seat-up seat-down debate. Rather, the lid should be always closed, especially during flushing.

This is a hard belief to implement in public restrooms, where most toilets are lacking lids.

But it was this fear that was in my mind during a recent trip to Borders.

I’d finished using the facilities when I flushed, then realized the stall doors opened inward and I would have difficulty squeezing through with my camera bag.

Suffering a momentary panic, I shoved my way through the door, tripping along the way and stumbling out into the open bathroom.

You might think  my fears are strange.

But not stranger than whatever the two women waiting along the bathroom wall thought as I tripped while barreling past them. Though they said nothing as I sedately washed my hands and left the bathroom, I could feel their eyes following me.


“You look nice today,” my mom said as she sat down.

Seeing each other on a Sunday afternoon, those were the first words out of her mouth.

“I’m wearing sweatpants,” I responded.

“Yeah, but you match.

That doesn’t happen often.”


I’m dreadful at remembering exact quotes – almost as terrible as I am at remembering names.

But stories don’t work as well without direct quotes, so I often dive towards any writing implement the moment someone says something I want preserved for posterity. In my rush I don’t always take the time to write down details like the scenario of the quotes, or even who said them.

Thus I am left with scraps of paper like the one I found tonight reading:

“I guess I’m just a nervous smiler” – Me

“A nervous smiler… well, I guess that beats a nervous flatulent. I’m just trying to be positive.”

As I didn’t write it down immediately, and have somehow forgotten this entire incident, I guess I’ll never know who spoke those words.

But I’m sure whoever did is grateful I took the time to grab a pen.

Awkward is as awkward does,


Awkward Vignettes

{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }

MJ January 26, 2011

“A nervous smiler… well, I guess that beats a nervous flatulent. I’m just trying to be positive.”

Oh I love that! Are you hoping the speaker will read this and claim ownership?


kyknoord January 26, 2011

If that’s a giant beaver, then the shot definitely classifies as “awkward”.
Sorry I missed your DHP contest. A-gender issues.


nursemyra January 26, 2011

I know a nervous hiccuper. It ‘s worse than being a nervous smiler but way better than having the flatulence affliction


everton terrace January 26, 2011

I’m happy if my daughter’s clothes are ironed, even more so than when they match.


Jen January 26, 2011

Your awkwardness makes you beautiful.


Missy Jill (What's Going On Here!?) January 26, 2011

Laughed out loud– again. The first scenario was painted so lifelike, I could feel the mist.
So THAT’S your secret! You keep your eye open for great lines like I keep my open for good shots. You’re a born writer.


Stephanie @ Our Marriage Adventure January 26, 2011

Oh dear….now see that first post made me wonder why on earth we have to suffer through public restroom stalls anyway. My favorite place to shop in the whole world, also has a bathroom with stalls, BUT those stalls are floor to ceiling walls. And no gaps in the door. Its like a private room within a public room.

And on a bright note, at least you didn’t walk out with your skirt tucked up in your undies or some other horribly embarrassing situation right?


Stephanie January 26, 2011

I happen to love awkward. And often stumble haphazardly out of bathrooms because I have a weird public bathroom phobia.


Pop January 26, 2011

Is that hybrid beaver/panda doing the macarena?


Nichole January 26, 2011

That scene in the bathroom?
That is exactly why I’m a chronic pee holder.


Kelly @ City Mom January 26, 2011

Love this post! You know I hate public bathrooms too…in fact I even dislike my own. Bathroom are breeding grounds for all sorts of bacteria & therir families. I once heard (don’t quote me…cause obviously you will ;)) that a toothbrush sitting out in the open usually test positive for fecal matter because ppl flush with the lid open…GAG!


juli January 26, 2011

Ick! I have the same fear of germs accelerating out of public toilets upon flushing. Even @ work, I always waited to flush until I was totally ready to make a speedy escape from the stall.

Also, please tell me I am not the only one who says “es-cop-ay” a la Dory from Finding Nemo every time I’m typing the word escape?


Life of a Doctor's Wife January 26, 2011

Awkward… maybe. But you are thoroughly, utterly charming.


Mindee@ourfrontdoor January 26, 2011

Awkward is better than germy any time.


Skye January 26, 2011

I firmly believe that stalls that open inward are a health and safety hazard and should not be allowed.

The quote sounds like something your mom might say.


erica January 26, 2011

Of course! Your awkwardness makes you humble… and funny.


Ma What's For Dinner January 26, 2011

I heard when I was a kid on the radio that fecal matter can spread up to 15 feet from the loo when flushed. I’ve kept my toothbrush in the medicine cabinet ever since! :)

Lots of yummy love,
Alex aka Ma What’s For Dinner


Kelley January 26, 2011

I feel like I’m right there with you in your awkward moments! Ha! I also totally agree that the bear is awesome.

Although it goes without saying, please don’t feel obligated to accept the award I passed your way on my blog. I always DO feel obligated, but don’t want to make others feel that way. I just wanted to link your blog on mine so my readers could click over to enjoy some awkward vignettes & eggplant recipes!


Nicole January 26, 2011

I’m a nervous laugher. Yippee, that’s fun. That picture is in no way awkward. It is everything good.


Lori @ I Can Grow People January 26, 2011

That photo is AWESOME.


Malach the Merciless January 26, 2011

I bet Mom is a cougar, right she’s cougar?


Em January 26, 2011

Thank you for your kind comment on the post I wrote about my mom. It means more than you know.


Pamtastic January 26, 2011

You know what they say… “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.” :-)


Bec January 26, 2011

I think I am a nervous smiler! Bah, but I am also just plain uber awkward…


Vicarious Chelsea January 26, 2011

That panda, your mom, and your mysterious yet positive friend all made me smile!


Christina January 26, 2011

The worst is when people come out of the airplane bathroom and pat your infant on the head because you are lucky enough to be sitting in the last row on the plane. Talk about feeling like a mother bear.
Maybe not a panda. More like a grizzly.
I have very strict rules about toilet seats. Always down!! (Except, of course, when you are actually using the toilet. That would be very silly. And I am never silly.)


allison January 26, 2011

I am SO with you on the airborne particles — do you have kids? I died a thousand deaths while training them because they want to stare INTO the toilet as they flush it with the lid open — AGH! But then I excoriate my husband if he touches the rim of a glass while handing it to me — I’m not you’d call ‘laid back’ or ‘laissez faire’ or ‘normal’ or ‘non-psychotic’, so maybe me agreeing with you isn’t so much a cause for celebration.


Kristin January 26, 2011

That’s where I’m at these days…Lucky if I match. HAHA


Mrs.Mayhem January 27, 2011

Awkward is awesome!


Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points January 27, 2011

I never get photos with the giant otters.

Or is that a giant beaver?

Nope, just checked again. Definitely an otter.

But, I don’t get photos with the giant beavers either, so the point is still totally valid.


Sara January 27, 2011

You should know that there is nothing strange about only flushing a toilet while the lid is closed. Stuff flies around! It’s like how you shouldn’t put your purse on the floor in a public bathroom. ewwwwww…


Little Wife on the Prairie February 1, 2011

Much like my fear of sharks, I have a natural, inborn fear of public toilets. It’s not the using them that gets me. It’s the flushing them while I am still in the stall. So I always have an escape route planned before I flush. Open door, hold it with my foot, adjust my purse for easy exit, flush and run. And I always put myself between my kids and the flushing toilet. I would make an awesome hero.


Megan February 1, 2011

An escape plan – now that would have saved me a lot of hassle! Such a great idea. You’re my hero!


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