Travel

Are you Canadian?

Then just feel free to skip the coming list – it’s just some basic Canadian facts that you already know.

(Everybody else, prepare to have your non-Canadian mind blown by these true* Canadian facts.)

(*I cannot state the veracity of these facts.)

(Except for the one about curling.)

(That’s totally real.)

1. In Canada, instead of driving cars, people cavort around on moose.

This is so they have true dominance in any confrontation with foreigners and also in preparation for invading America on mooseback.

Having named the animal a moniker that’s the same singular and plural is one of the many signs of its evil intent, yet still subtle enough that Canadians know other nationalities aren’t smart enough to catch on.

Those crazy Canadians.

2. Mounties spend less than 4% of their time rescuing damsels from railroad tracks.

They devote the majority of their energy toward protecting the many secret, underground fortresses dotting the Canadian landscape.

Each underground lair is home to a super villain, each villain perfecting his plan to take over the world, Canada-style.

3. Canadians often pretend to play curling for the observation of other nations, but in reality no such sport exists and the rules are just constantly invented to slowly confuse foreigners.

This is part of a larger Canadian plan to rule the world.

Obviously.

4. Lumberjacks are supposedly strong men with an unnatural love of oxen who fight mankind’s natural enemy, the trees.

But in reality, they’re yet another sub-sect of Canadians arming themselves with all the axes they can carry for the coming global war.

As historians know, so go the axes, so goes the world.

While they appear to be strangely edited, all the above photos are actually things I photographed in Banff, Canada

Yes, Canada actually looks like that

And isn’t that suspicious in and of itself?

Megan

*This post was inspired by the reading of Beauty Tips from Moose Jaw by Will Ferguson, which is funny and I highly recommend. I’m trying out a new way of writing Recommended Reading posts, so tell me if this new way is as stupid as I fear.*

Four 100% (Possibly) True Facts About Canada

Tagged as: Book reviews by someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, Everything is better in numerical form

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