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Faces Shall Be Slapped (An Awkward Resolutions Manifesto for 2013)

Hooray for 2013!

Long-time readers know I love New Year’s Resolutions.

(Or New Year’s Delusions, depending on the year.)

(I’m looking at you, 2011.)

A new year is also a time to look back on last year’s resolutions and see just how well I did.

I never met a clown.

I never threw a drink in someone’s face.

(Even though I did meet John at BlogHer this year and he’d previously offered his face for the sake of experience.)

(What a wasted opportunity.)

I never made a blanket fort.

(What am I doing with my life?!)

And my Grandma moved back to St. Louis at the beginning of the year, then once again returned to Northern Virginia in the fall, a series of moves probably designed specifically to foil my New Year’s Resolutions.

Looks like stretching her toilet seat is back on the table for 2013.

And it’s not the only goal.

In 2013, I resolve to:

Slap Someone

(This might, technically, be cheating, as I am the designated slapper in a slab bet coming due the end of the month.)

(Also, no guarantee I will win the slap bet, so just to be safe, let’s amend that resolution.)

Slap Someone 0r Get Slapped Myself

(There, that looks better.)

Meet a Blog Reader

(As in, someone I know only through the blogoverse.)

(If anyone’s currently stalking me, please step forward now, I’m probably too lazy to accomplish this goal myself.)

Eat a New Animal

(I considered becoming a vegetarian.)

(But then realized I’m far too lazy and don’t like beans.)

(So instead I shall scour the planet with a fork.)

(Anyone know a good place to get flamingo?)

Stop Owning Piles of Unread Books

(It might seem like a resolution of read all the books would be better.)

(But that seems less likely to happen.)

(So, book purging?)

(Let’s get together.)

What are your New Year’s Resolutions?

And did any of you meet a clown in 2012?

I’d be terribly jealous,


{ 18 comments… add one }

  • Molly January 2, 2013, 12:17 pm

    First, for your eating a new animal resolution, I give you this: http://www.czimers.com/largegame.html

    Two, I will happily meet you if ever I am in NoVa again, or you are in Chicago. But it might just be with a passing wave, because let’s face it, I’m pretty lazy myself.

    C) You can have piles of READ books? I have no idea what you mean.

    My new years goals now seem woefully lacking compared to yours. I don’t think there is nearly enough slapping in my future!

  • John (Daddy Runs a Lot) January 2, 2013, 12:55 pm

    You know, on the way home from BlogHer, I was thinking “Megan didn’t throw a drink in my face,” and then I wondered if I should have done something that may have initiated the drink-throwing incident.

    My resolutions are to blog more often, to finish one of my long-standing projects (either build a bar in my basement, write a novel, write a musical, or complete a symphony), run 1000 miles, cycle/elliptic 2500, and not be a douchenozzle. Some are going better than others.

  • Meg January 2, 2013, 2:10 pm

    I totally live in the NOVA vacinity, and it would honestly make my day (probably my week even) to meet you in person.

    That may or may not sound sketchier than I intended.

    BUT I DID meet a clown last year. He drove the customer service van for my car dealership. Apparently that’s his side job. Driving stranded people to and from the dealership. And invited me to the circus. Although I did not actually see him at the circus…

    But if I’ve met a clown. and YOU meet ME…then that’s the same, yes?

  • Skye January 2, 2013, 3:09 pm

    My resolution is to finish all the crazy things I’m starting (like One Little Word and Project Life). It seemed too daunting to break them up into multiple resolutions.

    Oh- and my second one is to be happy. (Maybe they should be reversed?)

  • Marie January 2, 2013, 4:00 pm

    I like your resolutions, they’re way more interesting than mine!

    I’m hoping to blog more, well at least more than the 20 times I blogged last year (woops!) and comment more on blogs. As well as a few other things, but most of all I just want to be happy.

    And if you ever decide to visit Ireland, I can be the blog reader that you meet 🙂

  • Classic NYer January 2, 2013, 6:49 pm

    I’ve met many clowns in my life. They’re not as interesting as you’d think.

    And I’m not a stalker per se (I’m pretty lazy myself… and provincial. Real New Yorkers don’t leave New York for any reason. Any. Reason.) but I kind of want a redo of the Almost we had at BlogHer12. I’d say let’s try again for BlogHer13, but I don’t know yet if I’m going (refer back to my previous sentence).

  • debby 'baro January 2, 2013, 7:06 pm

    I didn’t meet any clown(poor me!). I guess you have become more powerful to withstand the slapping sessions(laughs), and I know too, that I have decided to read up all my piles of books, starting from now! Happy year ahead Megan.

  • Mindee@ourfrontdoor January 2, 2013, 9:26 pm

    I spent the last two days purging books. It was very freeing and now my house is less flammable than before. As for #3 . . . road TRIP! road TRIP!

  • Kari @ bite-sized thoughts January 2, 2013, 9:59 pm

    Best new year’s resolutions ever, Megan 🙂 Happy New Year and enjoy the upcoming slapping, be you the receiver or the giver!

  • spilledinkguy January 3, 2013, 9:00 am

    I was going to say one of my resolutions was to slap a flamingo.
    But that sounded unusually harsh.
    I might have to re-think this whole thing.

  • nagzilla January 3, 2013, 1:52 pm

    Two more reasons to come to Minnesota to visit me- you can meet a “freader” (friend+reader) AND I can introduce you to some clowns. My college roommate is a clown with the local clown club. And if he’s back in town, one of my other friends is a clown with a circus in Japan. I can get you clowns, my friend.

    I’m telling you, Minnesota has it all. You and Skye need to roadtrip. You can even stay at my house. If you come the weekend of May 4th, you can be a part of my official “Star Wars Day” party. It’ll be epic.

  • Kelley January 3, 2013, 3:45 pm

    To get slapped must be a very common resolution. I see it in all the top magazinesiamlying.

  • PJ January 3, 2013, 9:49 pm

    I live in NoVA and I guess I’m sort of stalking you since I read your blog and follow you on instagram (hughespj).

    Also, I ate antelope this past year – which was a new meat for me. It was pretty good, though I’m still trying to figure out how one acquires it (a mystery co-worker brought some in).

  • Duffy January 5, 2013, 2:59 pm

    We have a permanent blanket fort in our living room if you ever want to visit.

  • Lisa @ Blithe Moments January 6, 2013, 10:09 pm

    I recommend eating guinnea pig. Yes I know they are cute but I ate one in Peru and by golly it was tasty. Also tasty – frog. Ate that in Vietnam.

    Flamingos shouldn’t be a problem to get a hold of, they are very stupid. In Bolivia they regularly stand in lakes that freeze, so they are frozen into the lake. Foxes then run out onto the ice and eat them because they are just standing there, frozen in place. That said they eat lots of weird shrimp things which is what makes them orange so if you eat too much flamingo you might turn orange too. Would be an interesting experiment.

  • Tom'sRose January 9, 2013, 3:36 pm

    Meg- I actually threw a drink in a man’s face. at a rowdy club. The bounder cupped my breast,quite deliberately as my head was turned talking with a friend on a crowded dance floor. I stepped over to the bar, asked a patron if I might borrow his drink , he gave his ok. I proceeded to single out the groper and splashed him full in the face. That was forty years ago. It felt great, kinda like Susan Hayward. One small step for womankind., and something to tell my twenty year old granddaughter. Thses days we have to make sure the man doesn’t return with an AK 47. lol

    • Megan January 9, 2013, 7:52 pm

      Now that is a quality drink throwing story! You are clearly quite the woman. I’m filled with envy!

  • Jennifer@browneyedandblessed January 10, 2013, 9:08 pm

    I’m playing catch up…I like the resolution to stop owning piles of unread books. I don’t buy a lot of books unless I buy a ton from the B&N clearance sale but then I see a really good library books and I pick that up and before I know it I have a pile of books that I bought but didn’t read that I bought with the intent of reading. Need to stop this. Also, if you ever come back to Boston we can meet 🙂

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