Faces Shall Be Slapped (An Awkward Resolutions Manifesto for 2013)

January 2, 2013

Hooray for 2013!

Long-time readers know I love New Year’s Resolutions.

(Or New Year’s Delusions, depending on the year.)

(I’m looking at you, 2011.)

A new year is also a time to look back on last year’s resolutions and see just how well I did.

I never met a clown.

I never threw a drink in someone’s face.

(Even though I did meet John at BlogHer this year and he’d previously offered his face for the sake of experience.)

(What a wasted opportunity.)

I never made a blanket fort.

(What am I doing with my life?!)

And my Grandma moved back to St. Louis at the beginning of the year, then once again returned to Northern Virginia in the fall, a series of moves probably designed specifically to foil my New Year’s Resolutions.

Looks like stretching her toilet seat is back on the table for 2013.

And it’s not the only goal.

In 2013, I resolve to:

Slap Someone

(This might, technically, be cheating, as I am the designated slapper in a slab bet coming due the end of the month.)

(Also, no guarantee I will win the slap bet, so just to be safe, let’s amend that resolution.)

Slap Someone 0r Get Slapped Myself

(There, that looks better.)

Meet a Blog Reader

(As in, someone I know only through the blogoverse.)

(If anyone’s currently stalking me, please step forward now, I’m probably too lazy to accomplish this goal myself.)

Eat a New Animal

(I considered becoming a vegetarian.)

(But then realized I’m far too lazy and don’t like beans.)

(So instead I shall scour the planet with a fork.)

(Anyone know a good place to get flamingo?)

Stop Owning Piles of Unread Books

(It might seem like a resolution of read all the books would be better.)

(But that seems less likely to happen.)

(So, book purging?)

(Let’s get together.)

What are your New Year’s Resolutions?

And did any of you meet a clown in 2012?

I’d be terribly jealous,


Faces Shall Be Slapped (An Awkward Resolutions Manifesto for 2013)

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