“I feel like escargot.”
I’d arrived at my mom’s house for her birthday dinner just in time to hear her preference for a snail-focused meal.
(To clarify, my mother desired to eat escargot; she didn’t feel an affinity with their kind.)
(At least, not that she shared with me.)
The only place I knew of that serves such a delicacy is in New York City, so I took to the Internet.
It yielded a few local restaurants, one of which was in a shopping center near my mom’s work.
Though my mom was quite familiar with the the area, she hadn’t heard of that particular restaurant, so I assumed it was secretive in its deliciousness.
This seemed fated, so with a quick glance at Google maps, off we went.
On the way my mom remembered another local dining establishment that served escargot, but I’d already become committed to the original choice.
(I devote easily.)
(Which is only one of the reasons I’m reading up on how to quickly and effectively commit dog-napping.)
(Also because I’m a sucker for the perfect crime.)
(Not committing it, just understanding how it would be committed.)
(Allegedly.)
We arrived at the shopping center and walked down a long path into a circular series of buildings.
Heading toward the center of the storefronts, I found one with the name clearly stenciled in the window.
This restaurant, surprisingly, was the same place my mom had eaten lunch that very day.
Apparently, through years of eating there, she’d never once caught the name.
Despite the fact that it was obviously a bad idea, we proceeded to enter the restaurant.
It was filled with empty tables and a deli counter that had been gutted and filled with lamps and flowers.
The highlight was the disco ball hanging over the three foot deep stage.
We sat down and ordered.
(I’ve never been good at reading omens.)
Then our escargot appetizer arrived and I was informed that the only entree I thought sounded good cost $31.
This was bad on both fronts, because the escargot was disgusting and if I’m paying $31 for my meal then I require my disco balls to be currently spinning.
This escargot?
Was at the second restaurant.
Because, yes, on my mom’s birthday, I made her go tell the waiter that we decided to leave after paying for the appetizer.
Then we traveled across town to the place she’d thought of on the drive.
In my defense?
The second restaurant was pretty good.
I also didn’t get her a present
Because I’m trying to win some sort of terrible daughter sweepstakes,
Megan
For My Mom’s Birthday, I Made Us Leave The Restaurant After We’d Already Ordered (Or How You Totally Wish I Were Your Daughter)
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
I love my mom too!
Best wishes to your mom. I’m sure you’ve inherited your dashing personality from her. I mean… not knowing the name of the restaurant she’s been eating there for years… that is SO you!
Hugs
Jon
I think it’s wonderful you took a stand on the Escargot and left the restaurant. That was a great birthday gift. No bad escargot for you! or your mom. It’s just speaks volumes about your obvious love for your mother.
Dana
Sounds like so many “special-occasion-events” I’ve tried to pull off. I bet your mom loved it and now she has a funny story to share about her b-day. : )
Hahaha I love your writing!!! I think it’s great that you went to the other restaurant in the end. Because that way your mum got a good birthday dinner, rather than her having to try to be polite and sit through a bad one.
I could totally wish you were my sister
I hope your Mom had a happy birthday, restaurant dramas aside!
Now I want escargot damn it!
you are a good daughter… relax. you showed her the lengths you will go to in order to make her have fun, damn it! just like she did for you as child when you were going on a long car trip!
I think you started wrong when you went hunting for snails…eeekblahhhhbarf….
Hey, in your defense, a disco ball would’ve thrown off anybody’s instincts. Indian restaurants around here like to dangle Christmas lights real low. It keeps your head up to watch where you’re going rather than on the floor where the mice are running.
By the way, it’s the Universal Law that daughters don’t buy their moms a gift because she’ll always find a fault with it. Spend the $$ on yourself – she’d have wanted it that way. Trust me.
LOL! *two thumbs up*
Happy Birthday to your Momma – but I’m with Kimberly on this one. The hunt started out wrong when you looked up snails.
I love that you did this. Shows your mom how much you care! Also shows that you aren’t willing to spend time or money in a dump.
well, I have never had escargot, and I am ok with that. I have never paid $31 for an appetizer and never will, and I quit buying my mom birthday presents years ago (there is a story there). Perhaps I can join you bad daughter group?
I believe you officially qualify for daughter of the year just for going along with the escargot idea! YUCK!
I think the fact you actually went to get escargot even if you didn’t like it makes you the best daughter ever. We tried it once on a cruise because it was “free”. I’m glad it was free.
I actually love walking out of restaurants. It’s like, “Hmph! I am finding ANOTHER restaurant that is worthy of my palate!” Uh, yeah.
I love that you made her tell the waiter you were leaving.
Which she probably had coming after all the cow lies she’s told.
Still. She’s your mama.
So happy birthday to her!
YAY and I hope there was cake besides the escargot.
Because otherwise it’s just sad.
I think that restaurant got their escargot from my deck, and that’s bad!
I hate dingy places that charge way too much for sub-standard food. In any case, looks like the second restaurant was pretty good. Hope your mom had an awesome birthday!
I won’t stand for shoddy food either, but maybe it’s just because I’m poor. Every dollar counts, and my play money for the week will not be flushed down the drain along with yesterday’s dead snails.
Good for you for leaving- I would have been to chicken. And yea, empty restaruntes are never a good sign. And $31 for a meal definitely better be good
It’s the thought that counts…that’s what parents always say
Nothing chaps me more than an expensive meal that isn’t worth it! Good for you!
I must say that the dinner was wonderful – both restaurants if you count the laugh factor for the first one! Time spent with Megan is always fun – even in strange restaurants.
For the record – she does like escargot – at least when it is good. Also, she did give me a gift – exactly what I asked for which was some help with my housecleaning and she definitely came through. And lastly – there was dessert and it was very good.
Megan ALWAYS makes my birthday special – she is that kind of daughter!
That’s hilarious. Glad you ended up at a place that was actually good.
Wow…what a birthday dinner! Ours are never this eventful!
) Aren’t you the sweetest though, making sure your mom gets only the very best for her birthday. Who needs a present when you’ve got snails instead? (Hmmm…. Can’t believe that was just uttered by me. Scratch that. I’d rather have the present.)
Impressive use of parenthesis. The best part of this story is the disco ball and the way you made your mom tell the waiter you were leaving. All the makings of an awesome birthday story.
Yes, I myself was particularly impressed with my forcing of my mom to cancel our orders at the restaurant she was perfectly happy eating at.
It’s a gift.
Or a curse.
(But the curse is really just on the people around me.)
Love, love, love the laughs you provide with your posts! You and your Mom obviously love each other very much, glad she had a good birthday and that you gave her the gift of cleaning! You ARE a good daughter!
so hilarious
Happy Birfdaze to yo mama
LOL You are too funny. I love the sarcasm in your posts
So in general, how is escargo? I’m not sure if I could bring myself to eat it…lol
You still can’t beat my grandmother who would on occasion, halfway through a meal decide she could feel a draft that required the table to be moved. As these would be family occasions with about 20 people they would require the entire restaurant, including other diners part way through their meals, to be reorganised. She was that strong willed that no owner ever stood up to her.
So glad you left that first restaurant! And I too am terrible at reading omens. Terrible. Except for the time that I pulled out of escrow on a house that slid down the canyon a few month later in a landslide and was completely demolished. I’m glad I listened to my instinct on that one.
Seeing as you are a connoisseur of escargot, I’m sure you can find a better quiche recipe than you did on my blog (and I mean that in the sincerest of ways, seeing that Crystal Farms is not a well-reputed chef–although in the end my recipe was rather different from theirs, but one couldn’t assume better). You probably won’t find someone with a better giggle to read your blog (or really a better speller of French words who isn’t actually French), but a better recipe, yes. I used to get my quiche mixture out of a carton, so you see, using actual eggs is a step up for me. It’s all relative. Thanks for stopping by though. I love your mustache!
P.S. Do you realize you have a twin in Minneapolis? I’ve sent her to find you.
Hilarious!! I love your wit & writing style.
Good for you for leaving the first restaurant & sounds like your mom was a great sport. Hope she had a wonderful, escargot filled birthday!
Thanks for your comment on my blog!
I’m so glad my sister Andi pointed me in the direction of your blog. I will never feel badly about my obsessive use of parenthetical expressions again! I’m sure your mom was terribly entertained by the multiple restaurant hopping you did and didn’t desire a present. Besides, where would she put it?
(Yay!)
(Parenthetical expression twins!)
(Yay!)
Well hello I am so happy you visited my blog. I have been reading yours you are hilarious your quirkyness (not sure if that is a word but I like it) is refreshing.
Your Mom is a lucky woman but I have a sneaking suspicion she also has some of that great gift of quirky. I love it.
I have been called quirky too what is quirky?
Enjoying your posts. B
If my mother ever said “I feel like escargot” I’d start looking for signs that she was replaced by a pod-person.
My mother is the type of person who sees something she wants, be it something big or something small, and gets it for herself. So, when it’s time for present-giving, even if I know what she might have wanted, it’s pointless to get it, because she’ll already have it. I end up giving her truly crappy presents because I think of the things that she might think she’ll need in the future.
The only winner? A windup flashlight, so that she doesn’t need to keep a supply of batteries in the event of a power outage.
I’m that good of a son.
LMAO! The only time I’ve done that was when we went to Hungry Hunter and they set us next to the kitchen because that was the only place we could have a high chair. The staff was totally rude so we left after our appetizer!
Terrible daughter sweepstakes? It’s *so* on. I’m about to tell my mom I’ve started dating internationally. Again.
Is it a Mexican this time?
‘Cause that would really satisfy my need for symmetry.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WON THE SWEEPSTAKES! Please contact me to claim your fabulous prizes:
-Free escargot at a local restaurant (I think you know which one. The first one.)
-Tickets for you and your mom to the lowest-rated movie currently playing (to be calculated on the day prize is claimed)
-Free manicure for you and your mom at any local salon that is rated one star or lower on Yelp
I’m pretty sure these will make up for the no present thing.
“you devote easily” lol