Some people watch the Super Bowl every year.
I am not one of those people.
Though I actually did watch this year, and despite still stinging from my tragically comical loss at fantasy football this past season, rather enjoyed it.
(Every single person I met who asks who was on my team responds with “wow, that’s a great line up.”)
(My reaction to such is not positive.)
I do, however, always gather with my mom and Lindsey and watch the Puppy Bowl.
(Skye doesn’t attend in case of accidental Super Bowl watching, as football makes her irrationally angry.)
(Which makes it sound as though she gets very into the game, though I think the opposite is true.)
(But I’ve never watched a football game with her, so, really, I can’t say.)
Allison attends hip Super Bowl parties because she’s young and not creepily into dogs like I am.
But the next day on gchat we discussed the Puppy Bowl and now all I want is to be fired from Animal Planet.
Allison: my mom’s weirdly into dogs now
and watched part
and described it
but said she thinks it sound cuter than it is
there were puppies
they hung out
in a small enclosed space
and lots of grown ups
the puppies were playing a regulated sporting event
see, sounds awesome
me: and the hedgehogs were cheerleaders
Allison: sounds cute
they can’t have skirts
they fall off
me: because they don’t have discernible waist lines
Allison: my mom told me that too
me: so it somewhat ruins the effect
Allison: and you know what I want?
I kind of want to have the job
where my huge fireable stress all day
is that I couldn’t get a the skirts on the hedgehogs
me: WHAT IF THE CHEERLEADING SKIRTS FALL OFF THE HEDGEHOGS??
Allison: like, you come home
me: god guys
you don’t even know
Allison: and you’re like- today was hellish
I was putting out fires the whole time
but the skirts wouldnt stay on the hedgehogs
thought I was fired for sure- I carry this company, and they throw me under the bus on hedgehog skirts
me: I mean, wasn’t I the one who suggested mice cheerleaders?
we have whole tiny wardrobe rooms of mice outfits
we had to be fancy
get the hedgehogs
and suddenly their lack of discernible waist lines is my fault?
just like, the funniest thing to have to bitch about
running around all day like- WHY DID NO ONE TEST THE SKIRTS ON THE HEDGEHOGS IN ADVANCE!?
WHO DIDN’T DOUBLE CHECK THIS!?
hedgehogs are so cute- I seriously want one
I was going to name it Sidney
bc i think that’s sort of an ugly name, but kind of endearing
like a hedgehog
me: that is brilliant
Allison: I know!
Sidney the hedgehog
and I’d get one of those shirts
that’s like- whats wrong with hedgehogs? why can’t they share the hedge?
I would storm out of the Animal Planet offices in disgust, pushing over the tiny wardrobe stands of mouse dresses on my way.
And I live in hope of Allison turning into the crazy ‘hog lady, as I’ve already taken to calling her.
In the midst of transposing the above conversation
I realized it probably isn’t very funny
But I’d already done the arduous task of copying and pasting
So I couldn’t turn back,
MeganHow I Was Fired From My Fake Job At Animal Planet, Super Bowl Edition