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How To Eat Sugar Cane: An In-Depth Investigation

sugar cane an investigation

Please take note of my I-will-never-be-cool pose.

Where is Atlantis, who shot JFK, how to cook bacon painlessly – I’m a sucker for the unknown.

Grocery store shopping with Jeff and Skye, I came upon a barrel full of sugar cane and was suddenly filled with questions.

Questions that had only one possible solution.

So a half an hour later when we divvied up items for purchasing, included in the haul was one large stalk of sugar cane.

how to eat sugar cane

I hold sugar cane, hear me roar.

If there’s anything I’ve taken with me from childhood, it’s the importance of always playing with my food.

As with all playing, the more violent, the better.

how to eat sugar cane

The humor of sugar cane only growing in tropical climates was appropriate, but under appreciated.

Unless that food looks like it could get messy.

Then it’s necessary to retreat outside.

Even if it’s windy and freezing and it suddenly seems like a much better idea to find some processed sugar and watch a movie or sit staring listlessly at a wall.

Winners never quit, and quitters never eat sugar cane.

When breaking off pieces of sugar cane, Hulk impersonations are useful.

Though not required.

This is America.

how to eat sugar cane

For the first taste, feel free to go teensy-tiny.

Don’t be fooled by Skye’s smile.

Yummy would not be her current thought bubble.

how to eat sugar cane

Yes, my glasses are still held together with tape. I'm lazy, that's why. And cheap. But mainly lazy.

I was not as successful at breaking off a piece of sugar cane.

This might be a sign I need to start doing teeth-strengthening exercises.

Though I’m fearful to turn to YouTube and discover what those would require.

how to eat sugar cane

I looked even sillier in person.

Breaking off the sugar cane became more difficult when my hands surrendered to the freezing cold and they retreated into my pockets.

how to eat sugar cane

And he calls himself a man.

Being pampered suburbanites, we quickly retreated inside.

Skye and Sugar Cane

I have no idea why I'm still eating this.

Where we continued to slowly chew on sugar cane, resembling cows as we slowly munched.

Me and Sugar Cane

Yum. But not.

I expected sugar cane to taste like molasses in cane form.

This shows a clear lack of respect or understanding to crystallization.

And I’d like to formally apologize.

Crystallization, are you listening?

I was wrong.

You are important.

Very important.

And I am sorry for having misjudged you.

Jeff and Sugar Cane

I regret letting Megan make purchasing decisions.

Sugar cane is chewy.

Yet hard.

And dry.

Though I’ve never chewed on a stick before, I feel confident in stating the taste would be quite similar.

Sugar Cane

Sure, it's pretty, but try subsisting on it.

In fact, this sugar cane was so inedible we concluded only one possible explanation.

That grocery store sold us bad sugar cane.

Somehow intuiting that we were sugar cane novices, the store tricked us into purchasing sub-par cane.

Or there’s a reason candy stores don’t sell miniature canes.

But that wouldn’t make nearly as impressive a letter to the manager.

Leading an investigation while not wearing a deerstalker hat felt wrong,


{ 34 comments… add one }

  • kyknoord January 27, 2011, 12:56 am

    Sugar cane is best consumed when you’re five: a time of low expectations and disposable teeth.

  • Stay At Home Babe January 27, 2011, 7:08 am

    Two Things:
    1. The way to painlessly cook bacon is to roast in an oven set to full temperature, on a cookie sheet lines with aluminum foil. When you’re done you throw the foil out and it’s a breeze. It takes about 15-20 minutes, but you just stick it in, forget about it and check on it periodically. Drain it off on some paper towel while you make your eggs. You are welcome.
    2. She is not holding the sugar cane while growling. She is clearly getting ready to deep throat the sugar cane…. dirty, dirty girl.

  • Big Daddy January 27, 2011, 7:25 am

    I hate to get all “probation officer” on Skye, but brandishing a stalk of sugar cane in a menacing fashion is a clear violation of the terms of her parole.

  • Michelloui | The American Resident January 27, 2011, 9:06 am

    When I was in Goa I remember they had little roadside machines they fed the sugar canes into while operating a handle that wound round, crushing the canes and releasing the sugar juice into little dirty glasses. We admired the process but opted to stay with the store bought crystalised form.

    This was hilarious! I look forward to more–thanks for coming to my site and introducing yourself!

  • Jen January 27, 2011, 9:09 am

    I don’t get it.

  • Stephanie January 27, 2011, 9:13 am

    My only advice about frying bacon painlessly? Naked is not the way to go. A lovely tidbit of advice from my grams. I wish I was kidding.

    Thanks for the heads up about the sugar cane! And I like the tape 🙂

  • Jodi Evans January 27, 2011, 9:17 am

    You were sold some BAD sugar cane. If you ever travel through South Georgia, let me know and I will take you to the good stuff. It’s not my favorite thing in the world and I must say, it’s best served by your Grandpa, while you’re in the back of his pickup truck. And he must cut off some of the cane by using his pocket knife. If served anyother way, it just may not taste as great as it should.

    • alyson:common sense, dancing January 27, 2011, 3:50 pm

      Must agree with Jodi — but I found it more tasty (read: barely tolerable) when given it out the back of a tractor at Husband’s Uncle’s farm in Brazil. And it didn’t really look like what you had….it was more like they had already taken off the woody nasty outer parts.

      One thing I would suggest: big knives. Husband’s Uncle wielding a scary big knife with which he slashed the sugar cane into submission.

      That would make brandishing sugar cane itself look like, well, child’s play.

  • Missy Jill (What's Going On Here!?) January 27, 2011, 9:29 am

    You need rollers (like on a mop bucket) and something to catch the juice coming out of the other side. And probably a lot younger species of sugar cane.
    Don’t ask me how I know this.

  • Hoosier at Heart January 27, 2011, 9:35 am

    Now I want to see you eat something weird every Thursday. Can you do that for me? Might I suggest raw beets for next week?

  • Mindee@ourfrontdoor.us January 27, 2011, 10:32 am

    My unfortunate children have the kind of mother who would probably purchase sugar cane and make them try it as a food experiment. You just saved them from that fate. Good job.

  • tulpen January 27, 2011, 10:39 am

    Whew. now I can cross ‘eating raw sugar cane’ off my bucket list. Looks positively nasty.

  • Ella January 27, 2011, 10:59 am

    I just can’t get past the whole chewing on a stick thing.

    I would perpetually think I would get slivers in my tongue.

    that is more than enough for me to never want to try it.

  • Skye January 27, 2011, 12:33 pm

    That guy on youtube really liked it, so I assume it’s good when fresh. Too bad we were too lazy to plant it and see what happens.

  • Booyah's Momma January 27, 2011, 12:48 pm

    Hmm, it always tastes good when it comes in those little boat drinks with umbrellas. Maybe you just needed to soak it in rum overnight?

  • Metropolitan Mum January 27, 2011, 1:00 pm

    Wow, that looked… awkward. Aren’t you supposed to cook that thing before eating? Grill it? Microwave it?

  • Elly Lou January 27, 2011, 2:01 pm

    I don’t understand why there is neither rum nor mint in any of these pictures. The cane is for stirring mojitos, yo. And taking out knee caps. Duh.

  • NickQ January 27, 2011, 2:22 pm

    I’m with Michelloui on this – in India they run the sugar cane through an ancient and terrifying looking mangle/crusher device which produce a small tumbler-full of sickly sweet juice which you drink. Not an entirely pleasant taste but better than chewing the raw product.


  • Allison January 27, 2011, 3:02 pm

    I had sugar cane in Dominica a lot and it was good- not like, amazing, but cool, and tasted like sugar…/ what it tastes like in Mojitos. Sorry you had such an… odd experience with it 😛

  • Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli January 27, 2011, 3:36 pm

    There should of been some juice to suck out. That’s what I remember.
    I vote that it was sub par cane.

  • nursemyra January 27, 2011, 4:04 pm

    I like your curly purple scarf Megan

  • Weekend Cowgirl January 27, 2011, 4:05 pm

    Never have seen actual sugar cane. Guess I will stick with the kind in little packets. 🙂

  • nursemyra January 27, 2011, 4:08 pm
  • Linda Higgins January 27, 2011, 4:11 pm

    ok that was very very funny and where are you? In NY! I heard NY was getting blasted with freezing weather! I have an idea about the sugar cane……use it as a decoration….maybe hang it on the wall…or in a vase…..or use it as a weapon against intruders…or just toss it…hehehe

  • Megan Wetzel January 27, 2011, 7:54 pm

    So how do they get that non edible cane into sweet sugar? I will have to google it now because I’m intruiged!

  • Sara January 27, 2011, 9:26 pm

    I guess you should know it’s questionable when you see sugar cane at your local grocery store. Seriously, how did that end up there?
    Also, love those red shoes you’re wearing in the first picture.

  • Bodaciousboomer January 27, 2011, 10:08 pm

    You know young one if you had your glasses taped in the middle and not on the side and they were round not oval and you were a guy not a girl and you were a wizard you could be channeling Harry Potter in that first photo. You kinda look like you’re standing next to a broomstick display.

  • lindsey January 27, 2011, 11:17 pm

    I think I would’ve been a little bit afraid to eat the cane in the first place considering it looks more like a bamboo stalk and not something you’re supposed to eat… unless you’re a panda, I guess.

  • Rachel {at} Mommy Needs a Vacation January 28, 2011, 12:03 am

    I think maybe you are supposed to cook that first? Or something? Yikes! Looks uncomfortable in the mouth. LOL!

  • Mrs.Mayhem January 28, 2011, 3:45 pm

    You are so silly.

  • alonewithcats January 28, 2011, 7:22 pm

    I’ve never chewed on a stick, either.

  • SuzRocks January 29, 2011, 10:21 am

    One of the greatest things about sugar cane is the liquor that is made from it. Cachaca. You make Caiparinis from it. And it is amazing. And also only costs like $5/bottle in Brazil.

  • Anonymous March 9, 2011, 10:21 pm

    Your suppose to peel it. Your eating the skin. The good stuff is in the middle.

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