Looking at this photo makes my heart palpitate.
I have no strong feelings about guns.
Like horses or swords or sports cars, they’re an “other” entity in my life.
Yet as something I see on tv so much they’ve become mentally commonplace.
So I was as surprised as anyone at how I flipped actually being in their presence.
Did you miss seeing my sexy face?
I spent an hour looking like this.
It wasn’t pretty.
We let the boys do the manly work of stapling.
How many men does it take to escort a zombie to his death?
Two.
Two men.
Notice the background debris. Apparently gun range cleanliness isn't a virtue.
Did you know they use real bullets at shooting ranges?
I’m guessing yes, as apparently I’m the only person who didn’t know that.
But those bullets?
Those bullets right there?
They could kill someone.
And they were entrusted to me.
I put my life in Jeff's hands. Jeff's moisturized hands.
Jeff has used a gun before, while unsuccessfully hunting turkeys with his girlfriend’s father, so I graciously allowed him to go first.
And I was busy having a panic attack.
But it was mainly politeness.
You can see the fear in my eyes. It was in my calves too, but they aren't showing in the photo.
But finally I pulled myself together and got up there.
It looks like concentration. It's really freaking-out-ness.
Loading the bullets in a gun is very, very hard.
Or I have serious upper body strength issues.
Though most likely both are true.
Wait, what do I do with my hand?
Then came the moment of truth.
Bang!
And with callous disregard for zombie life, I shot Bob.
Straight through the face.
Or the torso.
Or the back wall.
I couldn’t actually tell.
Which one's the target? Oh, yeah, the zombie.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the shooting range, Allison’s boy was showing her how it’s done.
Their zombie was named Steve. Though it's always a mistake to name your zombie. It just leads to heartache down the road.
She caught on rather quickly.
Pay no attention to the man with the freaking gigantic gun.
I was quite a different story.
If this were a video, you could see me shaking.
Even wearing the protective headphones, gunshots are loud.
I’ve started fearing for gang members’ hearing.
‘Cause I’m not sure they have medical insurance.
With each loud “bang” I jumped.
And jumping while firing a gun is not recommended.
I'm his moon pupil. That's the opposite of star, right?
Allison’s boy let me try out his gun too.
Just like the one we were given, it was a 9mm.
But unlike mine, it wasn’t a Glock.
And I’d already discovered brand loyalty, so was not impressed.
No, Steve, run, run for your life!
Allison’s boy, having spent his entire life around guns, was confused and hesitant about my rabid desire to photograph every second.
Which is a clear sign he doesn’t know me very well.
No, really, it's important! - like this?
Jeff took this photo as I turned to ask him if I was putting the bullet in facing the right direction.
But he didn’t answer, and just kept taking photos.
Well, hello.
So I smiled, and just took a guess on the bullets.
The gun didn’t explode, so I was probably right.
He's a shooting machine! But not in the creepy way that sounds.
We had a few bullets left.
Mainly due to my inability to load more than three.
(Seriously, it’s really hard!)
(Except not-so-much for everyone else.)
So Jeff stepped up to the plate to finish Bob.
Oh, the zombiemanity!
And he did a pretty good job.
Except you can’t tell which shots are mine and which are his.
So maybe I did a pretty good job.
The zombie world shall never know.
Come along little doggy. (Is that a John Wayne quote? I'm confused.)
I observed Allison’s boy in his position as resident gun expert.
And I absolutely love his stance.
It reminds me of John Wayne.
Not that I’ve ever seen a John Wayne movie.
But that’s what I imagine he looks like.
Two zombie apocalypse passes, please.
While I freaked out and annoyed everyone and couldn’t figure out how to load bullets, I did accomplish my goal.
Giving myself a fighting chance to join Allison’s zombie apocalypse group.
‘Cause clearly she’s got the right connections.
Now I just need to learn how to farm and set fire to buildings,
Megan
I Shot A Zombie Just To Watch Him Die
{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }
you look so tough! and then awesome in your dress and heels
Oh yeah, I’m all rough and tumble.
Not that it made a whole lot of difference to Bob and Steve but, were there any other shooters wearing a dress and heels?
Weirdly, no!
Shocking, right?
I’d have more luck with Zombie Steve and his aggressive stance. Zombie Bob and his please-don’t-shoot-me facade would kick in my mother instincts.
Oh Missy Jill… Zombie Bob is just lulling you in. He’s the truly vicious killer.
You are such a big GIRL nerd! ha ha ha.
Have you just realized that?
‘Cause I fear it hasn’t been a secret.
Except maybe the big part.
I try and choose flattering photos.
GREAT JOB!!! I find it difficult to load guns too. My husband showed me how and handed the magazine to me… I got two bullets in b/4 I had to hand it back to him. I really need to start lifting weights….
4 is how far I got too – weak upper body strength sisters!
I LOVE that you were shooting a gun in such a cute little dress and heels! Adorable : )
What can I say? I kill zombies in style.
It’s not just you- loading bullets is really hard! It hurt my hands. I agree with Missy Jill- I think it’d be much easier to shoot Zombie Steve, he’s really creepy. You guys did a great job! Look how many head shots to Bob! And while it’s possible that they are all from Jeff and all of your bullets missed the paper entirely, that’s ridiculous- I’m sure some of them are yours
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, Zombie Bob had it coming.
You don’t even know.
Can I say that I LOVE that you were doing that in a dress and HEELS?! HA! Straight out of an action movie. You could be the eye-candy girl side kick. Although I think you would need the gun that other guy was holding!
Man, I thought I was having a freak-out attack shooting my little 9mm… it’s possible that other gun would cause me to pass out! Though I would look classy lying on the floor, all dressed up!
I can’t believe how loud it is at the range with the ear muffs on. The first time I went, I jumped every time, until it was my turn. Had to be brave for my husband who has been around guns all his life. I shot a revolver and a Glock. If I had to load them now? Yep, wouldn’t have a clue.
I love how you are all dressed up for the range…way to keep it classy!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
The bangs are SO loud – I thought with the earmuffs they’d be muffled, but it’s still so easy to hear them! And good job marrying an expert, he’ll clearly be your salvation come zombie apocalypse time.
Megan. Only silly movie chicks shoot guns in a dress. Next time cargo pants and combat boots are in order.
Man, this whole shooting stuff thing is harder than I thought. First I have to not freak out, now I have to wear appropriate clothing.
Where is the all going to end?
1.) Your blog is epic
2.) I am not a spam bot
3.) I love that you were all dressed to the nines for the gun range. Way to do it in style!
4.) I have always wanted to try a gun range – even more so now! I feel a New Year’s Resolution coming on
1. Why thank you.
2. Prove it.
3. I figure one aspect of my shooting shouldn’t be easily mockable. But then it turns out I was somewhat inappropriately dressed. So kinda a failure there.
4. Do it! No need to resolve yourself, just find a man with a gun, steal it, then shoot something! (Preferably an inanimate object like a tree, or an undead object, like a zombie.)
Your blog is epic. Congrats
See, not just spambots write those comments…
I love that the first time I pop into your blog, there are photos of you at a gun range, knocking off zombies. It makes me want to find some high-heeled booties and go kick some butt. Too bad it’s finals week. My only weapon is a laptop and a bunch of post-it notes.
Hey – you swing a laptop at someone’s head, that’s gonna do some damage.
At least to the laptop.
And where better to write down quick safety rules regarding the zombie apocalypse than post-it notes?
Hello, I think your blog is epic. Congrats.
Hmm… Now I’m faced with the possibility that you’ve been a spambot all along.
Was anything we shared real?
Or was it all lies?
Terrible, terrible lies.
Happy Birthday!!!!
You picked that dress because it was kind of camouflagie, didn’t you? And if you’re wearing camouflage, you must wear boots! James Bond better look out, Megan’s got a gun!
Naturally – I must prepare myself to both fight the zombies and know when to hide.
Now I just need to learn when to do which.
I’ve never held a gun in my life, but that kind of looks like fun! You’re a such a bad ass Zombie killer.
I love that I can trick people online into thinking so, as I assure you everyone physical present thought I was a complete buffoon!
I gotta agree with most of the commenters. The most important lesson in this post is that a girl can massacre the undead AND look good while doing it.
If there’s any message I want to spread to the world, it’s that.
And the deliciousness of cheese.
Both are quite important.
I’m glad to know your squad will be out there should the zombies decide to finally organize and actually stage a real attack instead of that lame slowly walk with their arms outstretched thing they’re always doing. Nice job matching your eye and ear wear to your dress!
Be very afraid – the zombie are lulling us into a false sense of security. One day soon they’ll be competing in cross country events.
YES!! YES!!! YES!!! Can I? May I tell you how proud I am of you for doing this for the world? I hate zombies. Dumb things.
Early in the school year, a student was bringing a book about zombies to school. I pulled him aside and told him we have a class rule about zombie books, because the teacher is afraid of zombie attacks. He apologized, and has not brought it back since. However, in the case of which he DOES? I clearly need this training.
We all need training – never again should an innocent human be left to face a zombie untutored.
Do it for the children.
Matt Groenig makes Zombie characters for shooting ranges?
Seriously. The versatility of that man.
Hey, when you’ve got a gift…
Your calves do look tense.
And I’ve never used a gun either, so when the zombies attack, we can provide Spam and canned tuna to the people who can actually load a gun.
Frick – am I suppose to have set aside supplies of Spam and tuna?
This whole apocalypse is just turning out to be a lot of work.
Badass. In the case of a Zombie Apocalypse I am TOTALLY standing behind you. Especially if they’re really, really far away. Cause if they’re quickly approaching, I don’t think you’re fast enough on the reload and I could die…on account of the Zombies having a grudge against you for shooting at pictures of them.
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
Zombies don’t hold grudges… they want each of our brains equally.
Zombies are egalitarian like that.
Though my slow reload is going to pose a problem.
Clearly this needs work.
Fun fact: If you combine your “sexy face” and your “is this the right way to insert the bullet?” face, you get my “oh my god please don’t let my fingers actually touch raw turkey” face.
Sexiness, bullets, zombies and turkey.
We have the making of a truly fantastic family holiday.
I see I’m not the only person who immediately picked up on the dress and heels to the gun range thing!
As someone who has never fired a gun in their life, I think it’s pretty cool that you did that – AND that you destroyed fake zombies in the process!
I am quite glad I was able to have the first thing I ever shot be a zombie – it’s just so poetic.
Please tell me you didn’t wear a dress to kill zombies. How Barbie…I mean badass of you.
Hey, I can’t help who I am.
Similar to zombies.
I only hope it ends better in my case.
There’s a shooting range across from campus that I’ve been meaning to go to. But I don’t have money and these things cost money and such. I need to prepare more. The apocalypse is nigh.
I’d say your chances of surviving are pretty high. When you hit, you got mostly head shots, which is, of course, the only sure fire way to kill a zombie.
You’re moving up, kid. One day you’ll be a legit zombie fighter.
One day…
(And yes – what’s financial security compared to apocalypse preparation?)
so, can anyone just walk into a shooting range and get busy?
i think you look like you know what you are doing. well, at least from the back.
Apparently… yes! Seriously, we were given no test or instructions of any kind.
So, that’s quite worrisome.
I am so proud of you. And I sort of feel sorry for Zombie Steve. And now I want to change something on my 101 in 1001 days list to do this same thing. I’ m feeling brave.
DO IT! You totally can do it, and it’s a perfect thing for a list like that!
Plus, do you really want to be caught unaware by the zombie apocalypse?
I didn’t think so.
I don’t care how nervous you were, you look excessively confident in hot heels and a dress!! I don’t look that good when I’m going out to *dinner* never mind a shooting range.
Actually, scratch that. I never go out to dinner…
Well, naturally! People eat dinner all the time – shooting a zombie is a special, dress-deserving event!
I bet Zombie Bob catches a draft from that rip in his shirt. Poor guy. Although I suppose that’s nothing compared to all the bullet wounds. Do zombies feel pain and drafts? I think I may have just hit on a zombie gray area.
P.S. Your calves look fearless to me.
Well, yes – for you, my calves will put on a false calve-face, just to lure you in.
Little Nikita! You look so adorable and badass! I’ve always wanted to go shooting. You go girl!
Adorable and badass?
That’s exactly what I was going for – sigh, I’m so glad there are people who get me.
Okay, I think it seriously rocks that you dressed up to shoot zombies.
And the fact tha I felt drawn to leave that comment shows why I love this blog.
I love this post. Can I go zombie hunting with you sometime? I have some new heels I need to break in.
Of course! The first rule of zombie hunting is the more the merrier!
Though you should be warned – people who fall behind get left behind* so I hope you can run well in those shoes.
*We’re a heartless group.
lmao that is hilarious. but you are officially prepared for the zombie apocalypse!!
#1 Cardio – The heels are mah-valous, but if you need to pick up speed you might want to invest in a pair of trainers. Then again, you only need to run faster than the slowest person in your group. That’s why it’s good, in case of zombie apocalypse, to hang out with people who look like pork chops.
#2 Double Tap – It’s sweet that you tried to warn Bob off by firing a couple of warning shot across his bow, but the flinch reflex in zombies is minimal. Practice makes perfect, and double tap practice makes double dead zombie.
Next stop in Zombie Killah Training… flamethrowers.
I want to one day shoot a gun, but my terror has kept me from doing it thus far. Maybe if there were zombies at the local shooting ranges, I would be more willing!
This was a fun post; congratulations on your SITS day!