Fantasy football is like parking to the right.
Everyone does it just fine and never has to leave elaborate notes on scraps of paper for strangers.
That’s my way of telling you all that the fantasy football losses just keep on coming.
This week was the first time I truly assumed I’d be the victor, as I was aided in my lineup choices by a friend who’s leading three separate leagues and I had a higher predicted point score.
Instead, I lost by almost forty-six points.
Aside from the week I forgot none of my players were actually playing, this is a new low.
I fear the fault, dear readers, lies not in my team but in myself, that I should have had the hubris to believe I deserved a 1-7 score.
These eight consecutive losses demonstrate that I am not worthy of a single win.
Probably as penance for that time I attempted right-side parking at my podiatrist’s office and hit two cars simultaneously.
(The noise of said crash, for once, eliminated my need to write a note.)
Yet, my constant and soul-crushing losses are not the only story of my fantasy football league season.
My friend in our league who is as football ignorant as I?
She got seventy-eight points this week.
Which is seven and a half fewer points than I got.
But, as she always does, she won her match-up.
Meaning she remains in first place.
I, to no one’s surprise, remain in last.
I now feel as though fantasy teams are the ideal way to experience most entertainment.
Fantasy award show teams
Fantasy reality television stars
Fantasy other people at the gym
How can this trend not take off?
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