Every year I make New Year’s Eve resolutions.
Well, I mean to.
I’m too lazy to ever actually get to the making part.
But I’ve got the intending part covered.
And this way there’s less eventual disappointment – I never get my hopes up in the first place!
However this year I’ve decided to do things a bit differently.
I present to you my New Year’s Eve Delusions:
Last night I woke up and I think I’ve lost 5 pounds.
Now, maybe you think my pajamas have stretched out overnight, but to that I say “pshaw.”
And I mean it.
I’ve run a marathon this past year.
Maybe not a traditional marathon.
Yet considering how often I’m running late in the morning, and how many times I’ve had to frantically go up and down the stairs having forgotten that one last thing, the steps obviously add up.
A marathon is only 26.2 miles – easy peasy to knock that out in 365 days of frantic gathering.
I’ve become an eccentric genius.
Just today I was at the store, buying food for my New Year’s Party when it was suggested I buy cheese.
“Cheese?” I responded, “why would I need cheese.”
When I was reminded my main dish tonight is to be macaroni and cheese, I realized that my brain can’t hold information like current plans and recipes because it’s so filled with knowledge.
Geniuses don’t remember shopping lists.
(Thank you for agreeing with me, my now highly evolved brain knew you would.)
I’ll leave all of you to your “resolutions” about “weight loss” and “exercise” and “learning” – I’m just glad I have my delusions, and don’t need to bother with such things.
What’s your New Year’s delusion?