Everything's better with champagne. And Dick Clark.
Every year I make New Year’s Eve resolutions.
Well, I mean to.
I’m too lazy to ever actually get to the making part.
But I’ve got the intending part covered.
And this way there’s less eventual disappointment – I never get my hopes up in the first place!
However this year I’ve decided to do things a bit differently.
I present to you my New Year’s Eve Delusions:
If this mirror worked properly it would have shown you my new, svelter figure.
Last night I woke up and I think I’ve lost 5 pounds.
Seriously.
Now, maybe you think my pajamas have stretched out overnight, but to that I say “pshaw.”
And I mean it.
I'm not even counting the miles and miles of bookstores I've walked.
I’ve run a marathon this past year.
Maybe not a traditional marathon.
Yet considering how often I’m running late in the morning, and how many times I’ve had to frantically go up and down the stairs having forgotten that one last thing, the steps obviously add up.
A marathon is only 26.2 miles – easy peasy to knock that out in 365 days of frantic gathering.
Don't let the curlers fool you - that girl's got a Nobel coming one day. Presumably one of the impressive science-y ones.
I’ve become an eccentric genius.
Just today I was at the store, buying food for my New Year’s Party when it was suggested I buy cheese.
“Cheese?” I responded, “why would I need cheese.”
When I was reminded my main dish tonight is to be macaroni and cheese, I realized that my brain can’t hold information like current plans and recipes because it’s so filled with knowledge.
Geniuses don’t remember shopping lists.
Right?
(Thank you for agreeing with me, my now highly evolved brain knew you would.)
I’ll leave all of you to your “resolutions” about “weight loss” and “exercise” and “learning” – I’m just glad I have my delusions, and don’t need to bother with such things.
What’s your New Year’s delusion?
Megan
New Year’s Eve Delusions
{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }
I had a New Years delusion that I got that job offer…still hoping that happens, but it might have to wait until after the new year…sigh…
I’ve waited to respond to comments so long I know you got the job – so congrats!
Love it and seriously? Couldn’t possibly love it more! Happy New Year, friend! And, for the record, I’ll take delusions (And hair rollers!!) over resolutions ANYDAY! XO
What if it included margaritas or cheese or chocolate, could you love it more then?
Also? I think I might need to eat more.
Or possibly less.
Happy New Year’s!
I resolve to gain 33 pounds so I can finally top 300 on my doctor’s scale.
I know sometimes it’s hard, but I have faith in you – and if you truly work hard I have faith you can do this.
Stay strong.
Mine is to drink more and pay less attention to my children.
Wait. Whuuuut?
Sunglasses? So, so cool. Love them.
I only approve of your resolution if the more being drank is margaritas.
As salt makes everything okay.
RIGHT!!!
My resolution is to only make one resolution. There. I’m done.
Now that’s perfection.
Well done.
I knew I could come over here and be enlightened!
My New Year Resolution is to quit living in denial and embrace my white trash cooking and crocheting ways.
You have a Happy and Healthy 2011!
You too – and embracing your true self is always a great resolution!
My resolution I have just posted on my blog..by the way those curlers rock!!!!
Thanks – curlers are the hairstyle of the future.
Or maybe not.
I’m not very good at spotting fashion trends.
My delusion, huh, well I liked yours. Maybe I’ll add a delusion that my kids do their jobs every day without complaining. Yes, I’ll take that one!
That sounds like a perfect delusion – here’s hoping it becomes reality!
I dreamt I went to McDonald’s and starred in an 80′s style commercial doing the Moonwalk and the Stanky Leg.
Wait a minute. I think that happened for real.
But it probably should have been a delusion.
I would watch that commercial on YouTube again and again and again.
And then again.
To not get pregnant again! Hahahaha. I know that sounds strange but I would like to finish school and another baby would put that on hold again. Or if I could just finish school, lose 30 pounds and win the lottery, then I would be happy to have another baby. Heck, make it several! Oh wow. I went a little too far. Sorry. Happy new year! And may all of your delusions become reality!
http://littlewifeontheprairie.blogspot.com/
*Fingers crossed for lottery win*
I can’t even come up with a delusion.
Now that is just pathetic.
Oh! I know! I’m moving somewhere tropical this year!
(Did I do that right? I can’t tell.)
I appreciate the effort. And you never know, now I’ll have to get on driving over to see you so I can meet my new cow bf before you move to Maui!
I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions, I wake UP every day promising that I’ll be a better person than I was the day before…that crap never works!!
Happy New Year.
UP
Happy New Year! And that’s a fantastic promise – something that’s always great to keep in mind!
Hilarious! Mirror or no mirror, those books are indeed very slimming.
Man, I’m probably starting some fantastic trend, in which all future weight-loss commercials shall be set in book stores!
My delusion? To win the Powerball and buy a cattle ranch, move our best friends out to Arkansas to live on it with us, and have a pet cow.
Yeah, right… but I can dream, can’t I?
That is a fantastic delusion.
I, too, dream of pet cows.
Moo.
I think my delusion is that my kids will be perfect this year and I win the lottery.
Those are lovely delusions.
May I suggest adding one involving chocolate or cheese?
Those are my favorites.
But wait!!!
Where did the mysterious cheese instruction come from??
I missed something WAY important cause NO WAY did your brain just drop “cheese” into your lap like so much…umm…well, cheese.
Did the light fixtures speak to you? The sundried tomatoes???
THIS IS IMPORTANT!!
Oh, Lori – cheese is deep inside us all if we only look.
New Year’s Delusions. I love it.
Me too – I’ll never have to work on something again, now that I’ve discovered the awesome power of delusion!
I’m loving your take on the marathon! And here I thought I was pretty lazy this year.
Now… I’m going to dash downstairs to get a dish of ice cream. Because I feel like I deserve it. Marathons are hard work.
Such hard work.
I clearly need to reward myself more often for all my effort.
More chocolate in 2011!
Cheers to 2011! I have the delusion that my cats will talk to me this year. More treats. More balls of string. More, more, more.
Those cats are quite demanding – you might come to regret their adoption of speech!
I am only hoping that I gain 5 pounds total. I’ve given up on losing so might as well make it an attainable and less “fake I gained that much in a year when I resoluted in the beginning of the year to be better to my body” this way at the end of the year, I’m expected to be heavier
Clever. Only instead you should just grow your hair really, really, really long and then cut it at the end of the year.
That’ll be at least 5 lbs, right?
So far its going to bed on time. As you may or may not be able to note its now 11:05 p.m. Reasonable, why yes…If I lived in a state on Central time. EST though, perhaps not. At least I now have a great reason for my delusions!
Ooh – I should remember to have deluded myself into going to bed early – that’s a good one!
I’ve lost 9 pounds! Except the “before” weight included my clothing and the “after” was naked. So probably more like 5.
Lindsey and I have gotten off on a great start this year as far as cleaning goes. We just cleaned our entire kitchen! OK, except for the pantry. And we were forced to, due to our building’s upcoming roach extermination.
I resolved to get 8 hours of sleep a night… I’m 15 minutes late to bed and still have some dishes to wash. I’m trying to tell myself that I can sleep in and still make it to work on time.
Happy New Year!
Those aren’t delusions!
Oh Skye, I hoped for better from you.
Sad face.
(Yes, I say sad face instead of using one.)
(No, for absolutely no reason.)
Delusions are much better than resolutions, thank you for bringing these to light.
Covering gray hair is fun!
Sweat pants and cardigans are flattering on 46 year olds!
Poetry can flow from my pen like honey when I’m in the mood to create.
Living in a house with 2 dogs, 2 cats, 7 rabbits, and 4 kids is normal and accepted as such by all the neighbors.
I hadn’t even known those things – see, resolutions are educational too! And I’m envious of grey hair, because as a blond I’ll never get it, just get weirdly yellow!
Mine was to have more confidence in myself and procrastinate less. Although I’m not sure if I can do it, maybe I’ll try to do it again next year.
You can do it – have faith!