Pierogies, Also Known as Polish Dumplings, Also Known as Harder to Make Than You’d Think

Fish & Chips with a side of pierogies and sour cream.

That’s the Friday night special at this little bar and restaurant in downtown Herndon.  And it’s delicious.

But it’s only on the menu on Fridays.

And it turns out my pierogi cravings last all week long.

So what’s a gal to do?

You rustle up some taters.

Then wonder why you’re speaking all funky.

Then focus back on the taters.

Chop chop, chop chop, chop your taters.

Similar to cavemen, I also start my cooking off with a little fire.

No mastodon for me though.

Pot of water on to boil.

Amount of water, like most of my ingredients, is utterly random.

It is imperative to have sour cream standing by.

Your time shall come sour cream, just you wait.

Break three eggs.

I myself am a side-of-the-counter egg breaker.

But you can break your eggs any way you please.

Make sure you’re cracked enough to open.

The egg is cracked enough, that is.

3.7 seconds after this photo was taken, a large chunk of shell fell into my bowl.

My egg wasn’t cracked enough.

The excitement over sour cream’s participation in this step causes frantic action.

My friends entertain themselves on the sidelines.

I feel as though after having friends, I’ll be prepared to deal with children disrupting my cooking.

Assuming children can simply be ignored.

Add in the sour cream, eight ounces, luxuriating in its presence.

Welcome home sour cream, welcome home.

Mix it together, until it unappealingly looks like this.

“Mommy, I’m hungry!”

“Go play outside in the street, mommy’s busy.”

I’m going to make a great parent.

White, powdery flour steps up to the plate.

While a few short feet away, the potato chunks are thrown screaming into the boiling water.

There are no dogs around to hear though, so their suffering goes unnoticed.

3 cups of flour are needed.

There’s already a 1/3 cup measuring cup in the flour, so I decide to use that 9 times.

Halfway through I lose count, so randomly decide how much else to add.

Days later, writing this post, I realize as it was the first ingredient in the sifter, I simply could have put the flour back and started again.

Now I feel somewhat silly.

1/4 tsp salt is easily added with one measuring spoon.

It gloats to the flour.

1 tbsp baking powder joins in.

There’s only one thing left to do here.

Sift! Sift! Sift! your mixture gently into the bowl.

There’s something so revolutionary about sifting.

Taking different ingredients, making them all one.

Afterwards, the mixture will look exactly the same.

That is to be expected.

Now add the egg/sour cream mixture with the sifted mixture.

It will not resemble dough at all.

The children continue to loudly play.

Tune them out.

Spreading flour on the counter, move your hand faster than the speed of light.

If there’s any place to utilize hidden super powers, it’s in the kitchen.

Try to stop friends/children from stealing and eating the dough.

Then concede.

If less than a minute into kneading your hand looks like this, you didn’t add enough flour.

Stupid 1/3 cup.

I blame you.

Add more and more flour, over and over again, until your dough begins to show any signs of having doughy properties.

When your hair gets in your face, someone will assist.

Apparently friends/children can sometimes be useful.

Something to remember.

As an aside, I’d like to acknowledge that I wear a hair band on my wrist like a middle schooler.

It’s just so convenient.  Also, stylish.

That’s what I tell myself.

Time to break out the big guns.

The rolling pin.

No actual guns were used in the making of these pierogies.

Smile for the camera while picking brown specks out of the dough.

There will be debate over whether the specks came from not washing the rolling pin or the counter beforehand.

Think of how you’re aiding everyone’s immune system.

You’re welcome.

Having no ability to judge 1/8 in. thickness in dough, roll until your arms are tired, then stop.

The potatoes might be cooked.

Take one out and run it under cold water.

Then make a friend taste it, in case it’s not done yet.

If it is done, then mash.

Mash, my pretties.

Add one bag’s worth of cheese.  Any kind of cheese or size of bag is acceptable.

We’re very easygoing here.

Also lazy.

But easygoing sounds better.

Then mix while mashing.

That’s called being able to multi-task.

When your dough is thin enough, or you’ve tired of rolling, it’s time to cut out the pierogies.

If you don’t have a biscuit cutter, just use a glass.

Having never seen dough being cut with a glass before, bystanders whip out cameras to capture the action.

While cutting, you’ll realize you didn’t have enough flour on the counter, and all the dough will stick.

Pretend that’s what is suppose to happen.

Put the extra dough aside to be rolled out again, and again, until you turn into the Sisyphus of dough.

Don’t forget to take time for the obligatory hysterical laughter.

It wouldn’t be cooking without it.

Place the potato/cheese mixture in the center of each dough circle.

Make sure each person is choosing a random amount, so each pierogie will have a completely different shape when forced together.

Anna will nicely close hers with a fork, while I’ll wet my fingers and smush them together, no matter how large the filling in the middle.

It’s possible that mine will be the ones that open in the pot, and end up an empty shell of a pierogi, the vacant husk all that’s left to show the promise it once had.

Instead of running the 1.5 feet over to the stove every time you need some filling, bring spoonfuls over and put them on random pieces of trash littering the island.

Yet another example of how not throwing trash away can lead to great things.

Drop the finished pierogies into boiling water.

The instructions say to leave them in for 4 minutes, when they’ll rise to the surface.

Well, these must have been some attention-seeking pirogies, because they rose to the surface immediately.

Then they started looking as though they were developing tumors all over their shells.

If you look closely, you can see some of the brown specks I failed to remove from the dough.

Have no fear, most will end up falling off into the water, along with some of the pirogi innards.

They don’t seem quite ready, so keep them in for 6-7 minutes.

Or however long you feel is appropriate, as obviously I have no idea.

The later batches look far better, with few developing unsightly lumps.

I’m positive that had absolutely nothing to do with my lack of participation in the later batches’ assembly.

Put each batch on plates with paper towels – each plate can hold two levels of pierogies.

Each batch is added anew to the boiling water, which will soon have a murky look to it.

Later you’ll realize that was from the pierogies that lost their filling.

The earlier finished batches wait along the counter, cooling on their plates.

And remember my suggestion about paper towels?

You probably want to avoid that step.

Now grab some green beans, some sour cream (yes, even more sour cream) and chow down.

You’ll be surprised – they’re not half-bad.

I’d have fried the pierogies but I have a fear of splatter,

Megan

Pierogies, Also Known as Polish Dumplings, Also Known as Harder to Make Than You’d Think

Tagged as: In my dreams I'm Julia Child but in real life I'm Roseanne Barr