≡ Menu

Smarties: An Unhealthy Addiction, Like my Childhood Adoration of Dolly Parton


My mom’s family calls Smarties “Cry-Babies” – no relation to the John Waters movie.

My relationship to Smarties is not healthy. No, Smarties lure me in with their sugary sugar then leave me lying naked on the floor, with a pounding headache and a feeling of nausea.

Not really about the naked part.  But Smarties are intense.

About once a year, I remember my love of Smarties, thoughtlessly throwing a bag into my cart while strolling the aisles at the supermarket.  Then I take it home and I eat one. And another. And another.

I’ve already told you what happens next.

My unhealthy Smarties addiction reminds me of my childhood love, nay, obsession, with Dolly Parton.

I grew up knowing not a single soul who listened to country music, not even a single family member, so I’m not quite sure how it started.  But as a baby, nothing could get me to fall asleep but watching Dolly’s variety show.  Apparently I was the only one with such love, because it was soon cancelled.

My love of Dolly was then channeled through her movie, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

The songs, her love-conquers-all-even-being-a-whorehouse-madam-falling-for-the-town-sheriff storyline with Burt Reynolds, the outfits – I absorbed it all, enthralled.

There’s a 37% chance that movie is responsible for my terrible fashion sense.

When in high school my family took a summer vacation in rural Tennessee, there was no question we’d be driving to Pigeon Forge to visit Dollywood.

Days and days of non-Dolly Parton focused time were spend lazing around our cabin, learning to play shuffle board, and spending days meditating on the surroundings’ resemblance to Kellerman’s resort from Dirty Dancing, only without anybody else under 40.

Looking back, it was a strange choice of vacation, though perhaps not as strange as the fact that I was allowed to obsessively watch The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas in elementary school.

I’ve lost track of my point.



Oh yes, smarties y’all.

(Some days I read the Bloggess and think I can get away with using y’all, but then I realize I will never be that cool, or that southern.)

(As proven by the fact that I believe I incorrectly used y’all above.)

(Maybe I should have spent more time in Tennessee.)


Clearly should have gotten more sleep last night y’all,




{ 19 comments… add one }

  • Skye June 10, 2010, 3:54 pm

    Oh my gosh, I went to Dollywood as a child too!!! (It’s only two hours from where my dad grew up.) Sadly, I had not been introduced to any of Dolly’s works, so I probably didn’t appreciate it nearly as much as you did.

  • everton terrace June 10, 2010, 5:19 pm

    Smarties. Have loved them all my life. I usually can’t eat things that have that kind of chalky feeling (gives me the shivers) but I suffer through for them. I have now figured a way to bribe you into sending me the directions to that game. Where shall I ship the Smarites? Wasn’t there a large butterfly or something on the Dolly show – vague memory.

  • ScoMan June 10, 2010, 5:41 pm

    I think I have a similar obsession to peanut butter. It can’t be healthy, but I do love it so.

    My brother is the one in our family with the love for country music. I think he got that from my grandparents though. Maybe. Or maybe he discovered country music on his own and it was just a coincidence they like it as well.

    He never liked country music until a few years ago, so I’m not really sure where it came from. Maybe after he watched the Johnny Cash movie.

  • Mindee@ourfrontdoor June 10, 2010, 5:54 pm

    I too love Smarties except that today I extracted approximately 136 of the wrappers from behind my daughter’s bed. Why she shoved them there when there is a trash can within reach, I do not know.

    But I’m mad at her and mad at Smarties.

    I’ll probably forgive the Smarties first.

    Also? What on earth were your parents thinking? 😉

    Again with the Also? I love country music and Dolly is wonderful.

  • Lindsey June 10, 2010, 6:36 pm

    Speaking of Dolly Parton, here in Myrtle Beach there’s something called “Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede”…it looks to be a kitschy dinner show with horses and I’m guessing Dolly Parton-esque entertainments. I’m seriously tempted.

  • AngieB June 10, 2010, 7:10 pm

    Consider yourself an honorary Southerner, honey! We all wanted to be Dolly, and to this day I envy Dolly that cool fringed outfit she wore in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas when she sang “I Will Always Love You” to Burt Reynolds. My senior year in high school I tried to convince our drama teacher to do that musical, but we ended up with Carousel. Still fun, but I didn’t get to dance around in lingerie.

  • CDG June 10, 2010, 9:09 pm

    So. freaking. jealous. You went to Dollywood. I want to go to Dollywood. And go rollerskating. Is there rollerskating at Dollywood? Mmmmm…. Smarties taste like Halloween.

  • liz June 10, 2010, 10:07 pm

    the key is to figure out when to use y’all and all y’all. if you stayed in TN longer, you’d understand.

  • Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points June 10, 2010, 11:04 pm

    I’ve never told anyone this, not in the whole wide world, but I’m only telling you, so I know the information is safe.

    When I was 10, I joined the Columbia Record club JUST so I could get the Dolly Parton album that had the song “Here We Go Again” on it.

    And the Carpenter’s Greatest Hits.

    I’m sorry that I have no Smarties stories to bond over. I’ll try to make up an interesting one for later.

    • Nichole June 15, 2010, 12:10 am

      C’mon…we all know the best song is “Islands in the Stream.”

  • Roxane June 10, 2010, 11:47 pm

    I don’t know why it has taken me so long, but I just realized I love you. And your blog. I’m putting you in my Google reader and have every intention of stalking you.

    Much Love

    P.S. — who doesn’t love smarties?!?!

  • Alex@LateEnough June 10, 2010, 11:54 pm

    maybe dolly’s variety show was canceled because EVERYONE fell asleep during it…

    all i really know of dolly is that she’s well-endowed. and has nice eyes. i think.

  • Natalie June 11, 2010, 12:28 am

    Smarties are only good at Halloween. I don’t know why. They shouldn’t even sell them any other time of the year. That might help with you being naked on the floor and all, too!

  • The Mommyologist June 11, 2010, 7:51 am

    I love Smarties too! Especially the white ones. Don’t ask me why!

  • The Grasshoppa June 11, 2010, 8:58 am

    Yo—if I can get away with using the word YO—then you can say ya’ll all day long!

    I love smarties too….once a year . Oct. 30th.

  • Life of a Doctor's Wife June 11, 2010, 12:21 pm

    Mmmmm…. smarties.

    I’m like you. Once I start, I can’t stop!

    Also, I love Dolly P. She’s a kick and a half. Whatever that means.

  • Nichole June 15, 2010, 12:13 am

    My husband and I are addicted to Smarties–we serve as enablers for one another. When my daughter caught me eating them? I told her that they were for adults and that they were medicine. What? Medicine for the soul. 😉

  • alonewithcats June 16, 2010, 10:59 pm

    My parents dragged me to Dollywood when I was too old to enjoy it but too young to have realized she’s some sort of musical genius. At that time of my youth, I was in a Dolly dead zone. Thankfully, like puberty, I grew out of it.

  • Paula Kiger August 25, 2011, 8:00 am

    Smarties!!! Oh how I love them!! And I have taken my Smartie fixation even further: into the realm of food “art”. The great thing about that? It got me a big ol’ bag of smarties from my friends at Smartie Headquarters. Life was good! http://waytenmom.blogspot.com/2011/05/wordless-wednesday-spring-chickens.html?amp&amp

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge