Super Human Stuffed Eggplant

January 11, 2011


Sometimes a gal just needs some eggplant.

You know what that means – it’s a new (attempt at) cooking post!

These have trailed off lately because of the cold front sweeping down from Canada and vicious fighting within Norwegian politics and my laziness.

Mostly the last one.

But now I’m back and I’m gonna show you how to make stuffed eggplant – assuming you want to skip important steps, take no safety precautions around knives and move at super speeds.


First cut up the eggplant.

Sure, you could cut it on cutting boards, or take even the most basic safety measures against losing a finger in a bloody accident.

But doesn’t it seem easier to just slice at it while holding it above the kitchen floor?

It isn’t.

Don’t fall into that trap.


Slice slice slice, slice slice slice, slice your eggplant.


In what you’ll notice is a trend in stuffed eggplant, make sure your every action is so fast it cannot be captured by the human eye.

Or camera.

If you assume that’s a mistake in the photography – rest assured, it’s just super human speed.


As always, there should be a friend standing by with an onion.


Spread a random amount of kosher salt over the exposed eggplant innards.



Encouragement of onion friend can range from gentle prodding to cattle prodding.

The choice is yours.


Basil plucking isn’t a pretty job.

But somebody’s gotta do it.


The purpose of spreading salt on the eggplant is to draw the water out, water which will ooze out, making your eggplant look like a man who’s spent an hour at a gym or me after climbing the one flight of stairs at work.

Squeeze all the excess moisture out of the eggplant and into the sink.

Or don’t.

There was a huge debate over whether the eggplant sweat was suppose to stay or go – and as none of us know what we’re talking about, feel free to make your own judgment call.


Maintaining sonic speed, brush your freshly squeezed eggplants with olive oil.

You do have sonic speed, right?


‘Cause it’s going to be imperative for the put-the-eggplants-in-the-oven step.

And for saving endangered citizens.


Friends, painfully deprived of manual labor, will be forced to sit on your counters.

We all know that isn’t right.

Friends don’t let friends be deprived of manual labor.


Whew, that’s better.

You pluck that basil.


Even the laying on of basil must be accomplished at super speed.


Or else.

Probably nothing will happen.

But do you really want to risk it?


Don’t forget to always cook barefoot.

Just to keep it classy.


Put your chopped onion into a pan with some olive oil.

Yes, you’re still working at super speeds.

No, you’re not sick of it.

‘Cause I said so, that’s why.


I have no explanation for why I choose to cut the garlic this way.



Tomatoes should be a part of every recipe.

Unless you’re cooking for my mom.

She doesn’t like tomatoes.

So maybe that first suggestion was a bit hyperbolic.

Sometimes I go too far.

I’m sorry.


Pressssssss that garliiiiiiic.


It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

It’s a blogger adding pressed garlic to the pot.


In case I’m moving too fast to observe here, I just added tomatoes, salt, pepper, ginger and white wine.

Except I’m fairly certain I forgot the ginger.

Even super heroes make mistakes.


After 45 minutes in the oven the eggplant is done.

How can you tell?

Well, it’s been 45 minutes.



Gently use a random knife to pry the eggplant innards out.


Then mix them into the pot.


Wait, I’m being allowed to use a knife?

That can’t be right.


Skye quickly steps in to save the night.

For some reason, she switches from a knife to a spoon.

The world may never know why.

But probably for safety purposes.


After the eggplant’s body has mixed and cooked with the vegetables, return it to its flesh.



The next step is instinctive.




My preciousssssss.


After a quick trip back home to the oven, the stuffed eggplant is finally ready to make its way to its eternal home  – my belly.

The end.

Sure I’ve got super human speed but what I wanted was x-ray vision,


p.s.~ Tomorrow’s post is gonna be another What Was I Thinkin’ contest, so come on over, this time the prize won’t suck as much!

p.p.s.~ The recipe for this post comes from 2 Lemons. Apparently she doesn’t have super powers but did make this dish without any mistakes, so is probably still better than me.

Super Human Stuffed Eggplant

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