I love books.
I love their covers and their fonts.
I love seeing them in a color-coordinated row on a bookshelf or in a haphazard pile on the ground.
(Or, often, both, given my large book stash and inability to keep up with shelving needs.)
I love how they feel in my hands and how they look opened on my lap.
I even, occasionally, love reading them.
I love how they teach me lots of words I’d have never known.
(Even though they don’t teach me the correct pronunciation and lead to me looking foolish at parties.)
(Not that mispronunciation is often my first party faux pas.)
(Or, realistically, my second or third.)
Basically, I’m a total book fan.
Yet, I struggle to convey that love with all of you.
I’ve attempted awkward lists.
(See: Three Best Pirate Adventures and Four True Facts About Canada.)
I’ve attempted traditionally awkward reviews.
(See: A Short History of Nearly Everything Reviewed and Live from New York: A History.)
I’ve attempted recommendations without detail.
(See: I Know I Am But What Are You by Samantha Bee and Dogs and Murder: The Bernie and Chet Mystery Series.)
Yet, today I’ve come up with a new idea of how to share said book love.
I’m going to start a Fake Interviews with Authors I Adore series.
(What could go wrong?)
For example, if I was a fan of John Grisham, our fake interview might go a bit like this:
ME: John, I may call you John, right?
JG: No, silly. I can tell we’re going to be very special friends and all my close friends call me Johnny.
ME: Well, Johnny, let’s just dive right in, shall we? No need to keep you when you’re desperate to get back to your pet orangutan and basket weaving.
JG: Yes, yes – few people realize that nothing settles a mind puzzling over a great crime drama like some peaceful time alone with Tim and my baskets.
ME: Tim’s your orangutan?
JG: Obviously. Try and keep up here.
ME: My apologies. So what caused you to start writing courtroom thrillers?
JG: Now, many people attribute my inspiration to the many years I served as a lawyer.
(Warning: it’s possible that sentence is true in reality.)
JG: But what most fans don’t realize is most of my novels developed from bedtime stories I read to Tim. He’s a huge Perry Mason fan and given my terrible jealousy issues I was desperate to replace Perry in his affections. Everything really snowballed from there.
Then I would ask more questions based on knowledge of his books. Sadly, I’ve never read a John Grisham novel, so our interview must be postponed indefinitely.
But stay tuned, ’cause completed fake interviews with authors I adore are coming your way.
Assuming I can get them on the fake phone, that is.
Equally Awkward Reads
* Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell Reviewed
* Girl Sleuth: Nancy Drew’s History Recommended
* Rapture Ready by Daniel Radosh Reviewed
Fake Interviews with Authors I Adore (John Grisham Example Included)