Embarrassment is always funny in retrospect

I Murdered Skye & Then Got Lost (Awkward Glimpses of Now)

February 12, 2013

I’ve decided to do a short series of videos. I shot a few this past weekend with Lindsey. There was much awkwardness to be had. I’m sharing this with you so I don’t chicken out and hide them on my external hard drive and then block out the memory. (You know it’s embarrassing when I’m hesitant to share it with the world.)

A few weeks ago I sat down two of my friends and suggested they throw me an intervention. Mainly because I love banners and surprise, not-very-fun parties, but also because I’ve started constantly eating which may or may not be related to my really-rather-well-thought-out habit of repressing my emotions. Anyway, no intervention has since happened and now I’m in the position of probably having to throw my friends an Too-Lazy-To-Throw-Interventions intervention. We’re circling the rabbit hole over here, is all I’m saying.

Speaking of laziness, last night I had a dream in which I murdered Skye. Which I almost completely forgot, but then Allison gchatted me this morning to say she’d had a dream Skye dumped her boyfriend. Which was both completely fortuitous and maybe also a sign we both spend too much time subconsciously thinking of Skye. Anyway, since I’m now in a habit of sharing my personal, not-terribly-interesting Allison conversations with the world, enjoy.

Allison: I had a terrible dream last night
Skye and Justin broke up before this summer
and so we couldn’t set him up w Mike!

me: OMG
I”D COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN
UNTIL YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING
but I had a dream last night
in which I murdered Skye

Allison: hahahahahaha
bad night for her
I mean, mine wasn’t actually so bad for her, more for Justin’s soul mate
how’d you do it?

me: poison
also?
the reason?
was I didn’t want to go out that night
we had theatre tickets
and I was like
ugh
don’t feel like it
but right after
I felt really, really bad
and then someone went into her room to wake her up
and she totally got up
and I was like, woah, Skye’s immune to poison
though i figured
maybe it was still working
but she used her inhailer and I was like, poison antedote!
it was really strange

Allison: hahahaha
awesome
good to know you’ll kill someone for laziness

me: I know, right?
worst reason to kill someone ever
seriously
it was crazy

Allison: lol
eh, I mean, you were tired
and didn’t want to go out
and obviously a fight would have been lot of work
poison you dont have to listen to her complain about it
hahahaha
how was Costco?

me: hahaha
as if you don’t know the answer to that
I didn’t go
you know
the murderous laziness

The other night I brought my dad over to my new place. I can’t remember why, I was probably forcing him into some manual labor, but I was driving and he said it’d be great to see how I got there – give him a good idea of the best route to take. Long story short, I took the wrong road, then took about ten minutes to realize it, then drove around lost for a while. I’m blaming the Canadians.

In case it wasn’t clear during the Allison conversation

Mike is an 0ut-of-town friend

Who would be an ideal BFF for Justin

At least

According to us

They seem less than interested

In our friendship machinations

Though I can’t imagine why,

Megan

I Murdered Skye & Then Got Lost (Awkward Glimpses of Now)

Tagged as: Embarrassment is always funny in retrospect, I'm just as strange in real life, My Friends Are Far Cooler Than I, Skye rocks my socks, This stuff happens so often I should be used to it

{ 9 comments }

The Awkwardest of Annual Christmas Party Photos

January 4, 2013

Robby’s Christmas Party is perhaps my most annual of traditions.

Years come and go, people move away and come back, pink santa hats are exchanged for antler ears – and yet the party goes on.

A couple of years ago, we started taking a group picture at the end of the night.

Usually Heather is in charge of such an important task, but somehow this year she hesitated long enough that I was able to insert myself into the process.

(Success!)

But it turns out there might be a reason I’ve never been given charge of the group photo.

Maybe because I don’t own a camera remote.

Or because I happen to fall down a lot while trying to move quickly.

Or maybe it’s just antler discrimination.

(If you haven’t experienced it, maybe you’re the problem.)

(Think about it.)

In short, I’m not sure I’ll be allowed to take the group photos next year.

So we should enjoy these gems while they’re with us.

There is a single photo in which I am not moving.

And despite what it looks like, I didn’t photoshop myself in.

(I don’t have nearly the skill for such a thing.)

(Which you might have already guessed.)

There were a few other group photos

But they were all blurry

‘Cause I don’t believe

In limiting my crappiness at something

To only one area,

Megan

p.s. I’ve decided to follow Elsie’s lead and take/post a photo a day of home for 2013. Since I just moved, I figured this would be a really good way to document my daily life. However, I figured most of you probably don’t care to see my orange balloon animal book end, so I’m posting said photos on Best of Fates’ Facebook page. But if you’re dying to know if my kitchen cabinets have doors (twist: they don’t), you can head on over and see photographic evidence for yourself.

The Awkwardest of Annual Christmas Party Photos

Tagged as: Embarrassment is always funny in retrospect, I'm classy in my mind

{ 13 comments }

Shame & Rental Cars (An Embarrassingly Awkward Tale)

February 15, 2012

There shall be no more Movie Mondays.

This isn’t because of an anti-cinematography bent I’m on now.

Rather, my grandma has returned home to St. Louis.

(We all knew her broken shoulder couldn’t last forever.)

Though my Grandma has a fear of flying, having recently experienced the drive from St. Louis to Virginia, she wasn’t willing to live it in reverse and thus I accompanied her home.

This necessitated me renting a car.

Which, given my need to come back to my home, required me returning said car.

I’d forgotten to save the location of the rental company in my GPS when I arrived, which I think I can blame on my Grandma’s mere presence.

(That seems fair, right?)

So returning the car, I found what the GPS claimed to be the rental company’s location.

But my GPS was lying.

(Unless said location was their secret, underground branch and then I owe Molly quite the apology.)

(Molly is my GPS.)

(Obviously.)

At which point, I was running a bit late and was quite a bit lost.

Then, over the skyline, like Taylor discovering the Statue of Liberty but with a completely different moral, I saw the airport control tower.

(Whew!)

Using it as my Northern Star, I found the car rental place and drove in.

(Sadly, this is not the end of the story.)

I pulled into the long line of cars, where a female attendant was standing, motioning me forward.

Now, parking isn’t my strength.

(As many, many left notes have attested.)

(Interesting aside: only once has anyone ever called me regarding a so-terribly-sorry-my-car-drove-in-that-place-where-it-turns-out-your-car-already-was letter.)

But the woman’s waving hand was insistent, so I pulled forward centimeter by centimeter until eventually I was so positive I was about to hit the car in front of me that I parked despite her continued encouragement.

I gathered Molly and my bag and various car debris and slightly stumbled out into the freezing St. Louis air.

The attendant asked about payment and I stumbled over my words as she sat down in the driver’s seat, glancing about.

She then uttered rather unexpected words.

“This isn’t our car.”

Somehow, in my frantic rush to find Budget’s rental car location, I became flustered.

At least, that’s what I’m assuming happened when I saw the big, bright Hertz sign and pulled in.

Given my personality and inherent awkwardness, I’m not easily embarrassed.

But, as a car had pulled up behind me and I had to have another attendant help me get out of my too-tight parking spot, I could tell this was an especially humiliating moment.

This was reinforced by hearing other attendants start laughing as my predicament was shared.

And wasn’t particularly helped by their gathering along the edge of the car to watch as I blushed and pulled forward and back and forward and back.