That Awkward Moment: My Shameful Spa Adventure

April 23, 2012

It's Spa Day yet again. Also known as the one time a year I take my awkwardness into a far too fancy setting.

Spas are places of peace and tranquility and rich women who enjoy being pampered.

I do not easily blend at such places.

Yet, once a year, when spas have their annual Spa Day sale, my mom convinces me to join her and her friends for a day of awkward beauty rituals.

After filling out a rather probing¬†questionnaire¬†about my health, I was invited back to the facial room, where the facialer (that’s what her job title must be, right?) invited me to put all my belongings in the corner locker, to feel free to use the provided coverings, and to lie under the table’s blanket. She then left the room as I stood stock still, having been thrown by the request to undress.

After all, I was having a facial. Surely that couldn’t be improved by my nakedness present only a sheet away.

I’d skipped on a massage, having learned in previous years that such things were beyond my capacity to handle in a normal manner.

(But that’s another story.)

I decided I wasn’t braced for nakedness (I hadn’t even studied my body in a mirror, so I’d be prepared for what she’d see when the blanket slipped off as it surely would), so slipped my dress sleeves off and scooted under the blanket, making sure to cover any trace of clothing.

My facialer reappeared and went through the normal process of scolding me for not using cleanser (“a washcloth is just an exfoliator, not a cleaner!”) and commenting on my sun damaged skin, always a self-esteem booster.

At which point I got caught in a series of lies about Project Life.

It started when, after she applied a green mask, I asked if she could hand me my phone.

Most clients spend the following five minutes relaxing serenely, but I thought it seemed a good opportunity for an excited face photo shoot.

While perfectly lovely, my facialer seemed somewhat weirded out by me (an effect that I’m rather familiar with) so when she returned I explained I was taking photos because I do Project Life.

She was unfamiliar with the concept of scrapbooking, but finally thought she’d figured it out, saying, “oh, that’s all on the Internet, right?”

I responded, “yes.”

(The real answer was no, in case you weren’t following along.)

See, I have this issue that I find it incredibly hard to correct strangers when they make incorrect assumptions.

This has led to many strange scenarios, like the manicurist I once had to tell about my brother (fake) and his college (GWU – a real school, though fakely attended by my fake sibling) and his fake commute, or when I followed the facialer’s suggestions and was soon remarking on Pinterest and how it’s the same as Project Life.

This is not only untrue, it’s completely non-sensible, but I’m a dreadful liar anyway, so there was going to be confusion regardless of the lie’s direction.

The day after a facial is like the day after a teeth cleaning. I keep looking in the mirror expecting to look different, but it's always just me.

Shockingly, I didn't look any different.

But I did leave with my face looking the same as always, so there’s an upside.

I haven’t told you what happened during the mani/pedi, but that’s going to need a little while to process before I can talk about it.

Yes

I wrote my own guest post

But in my defense

I didn’t have a guest post lined up

And I couldn’t wait to share my awkwardness

With all of you,

Megan

~~~~~

Equally Awkward Reads

* That Awkward Moment – A Christmas Ruination

* That Awkward Moment – Awkward Things Parents Do

* That Awkward Moment – Pizza Place Shame

That Awkward Moment: My Shameful Spa Adventure

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

Mindee@ourfrontdoor April 23, 2012

Eh. I’d rather read your awkward moments than others’ any old day. You have a knack for them.

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Sarah April 23, 2012

OMG! This reminds me, I never wrote up my ridiculous mudwrap experience. (Starting with how I paid somebody to paint my body with mud. MUD.)

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Sarah@Crazy Love Gamble-Style April 23, 2012

I’m so with you! Although I have built up all the awkwardness in my head so much that I have avoided all things spa completely. Outside of a mani/pedi which I have only lived through about 3 times in my life & at least that leaves you with a visible difference : )

Why on earth would you need to be naked for a facial?? So weird.

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spilledinkguy April 23, 2012

“Exfoliate’ is one of those words I like to drop when I’m pretending I know… something… about… any… such… thing. I have no clue. Obviously. Although my skin seems to be doing okay. Each dead, dead layer of it.
:)

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Stephanie @ Our Marriage Adventure April 23, 2012

LOL I won a facial back when I got married and they asked me to take off my shoes. I was so confused how a facial earned me a foot massage, but I wasn’t paying so I did what I was told.

You’d think these things came with a direction pamphlet.

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Missy Jill (What's Going On Here!?) April 23, 2012

I would feel like a deer during hunting season if I went to a spa. Thank you for your bravery.

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John April 23, 2012

I’m just giggling about facial . . . because, well, I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old & I’m a pervert.

I will say that it’s far more embarrassing to chose nudity when it’s fully unanticipated than to not be nude when it’s requested. Not that I’d know anything about that.

The one time I’ve received any amount of skincare advice, it was in college amongst a bunch of drama majors, where the skincare specialist was yelling at me for my shaving technique when a makeup-specialist was berating her for telling me to always shave “with the grain,” because I’m a hairy beast and I’m tearing up her makeup-applying-swab-thingies.

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Tracy P. April 23, 2012

Ah, Megan! Seriously, remove your clothing for a facial? I apologize to you on her behalf. Not that I am in any position to do what she does, but you deserve an apology.

It reminds me of the time I went to a holiday boutique for “one stop gift shopping” in my neighborhood. Lovely. Pampered Chef, Tastefully Simple, Avon, Mary Kay, Silpada…they were all there, and it was excellent! Until I was unsuspectingly lured into a bedroom by a bra salesperson and subsequently found myself being fitted for one. Wow, really? And NO, I didn’t buy one!

Glad you came home with your beautiful face still intact!

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nursemyra April 23, 2012

I need to know more about your fake brother. Is he single?

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Skye April 24, 2012

Yes, but for good reason. (I would know.)

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Misty April 23, 2012

Yeah, they do that whole naked thing. Not sure why. Ones I’ve experienced have had them massaging my feet and hands and even putting oven mitt/warmers on them, as well as even massaging my neck and shoulders. I guess they figure it’s easier if you are sans clothing.

Either that or she was just a pervert. You know, one or the other.

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craftosaurus April 23, 2012

That is an AWESOME upside. :)

And I hear ya on massages. I’m utterly mystified by how few people seem to share my view of them (“ack! majotinvasion of personal space!”)

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craftosaurus April 23, 2012

That is an AWESOME upside. :)

And I hear ya on massages. I’m utterly mystified by how few people seem to share my view of them (“ack! majotinvasion of personal space!”)

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craftosaurus April 23, 2012

Ha! Shall I write a post about that awkward moment when my phone wouldn’t stop posting blog comments with made up words?

That’s “major invasion,” of course.

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Stephanie April 23, 2012

Ohmygosh I am rolling! I can’t believe you didn’t want to get naked for a facial Bahaha you are a hoot! And please tell me you didn’t really invent a fake brother?!?

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Kari @ bite-sized thoughts April 23, 2012

And this, you see, is why I don’t have facials. Or visit spas. I don’t think I would cope at all well!

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Skye April 24, 2012

Spas frighten me and make me feel like a very unladylike beast. All those suggestions of extra services are really bad for my self-esteem. (Do my eyebrows look that bad?!) Good thing you don’t have to return for a year! Although I will say that if your back is really sore, a massage is totally worth the awkward nudity.

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Karen Peterson April 24, 2012

I thought I was the only one who gets uncomfortable correcting strangers!

For example, I had to order some awards for work, and I called the store we always use. When I identified myself, she said, “Is this the Karen I know?” I said yes because I’ve contacted her before, but what she meant was that she thought I was someone she actually knows in real life and she started asking all sorts of questions about my family. But by that point I felt too dumb to correct her. So it’s going to be really awkward when I go in to pick up the awards later this week and she realizes that she has no idea who I am…

And yeah, I’ve never understood the naked facial thing. If I’m supposed to relax, keeping me under a blanket/towel that could slip off at any moment is NOT the way to make it happen.

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Nami April 25, 2012

Kinda makes you wonder why the dentist never asks you to remove your clothing…

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Linda Higgins April 25, 2012

I did a silly thing, signed up for a 6 month spa massage, I have 2 so far and am due…right now for my 3rd before the end of the month, the down side, I am so miserably sore after the massage I DON”T WANT TO GO BACK, it is like torture…not relaxing, not theraputic just miserable….if they could rub the fat away now then I would be all for being miserable but…they just rub the fat…………………

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Jennifer@browneyedandblessed April 25, 2012

I feel so un-girly because I’ve never had a facial, massage or a pedicure. I have had two manicures in my life and regularly wax my eyebrows. Actually, I’m not sure if it’s just that I am un-girly or just cheap. I’ve never been to a spa although I dream of being able to just spend a day at one. So if anyone would like to donate to the cause, I won’t say no :-)

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blackhuff April 26, 2012

The thing with spa treatments, is that one need to attend numerous times before one can really see a difference.

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Christian April 26, 2012

I stay away from spas due to being horrified by the thought of someone else being allowed to touch my disgusting human body.

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Domesticated Gal April 26, 2012

I can’t handle spas. I never know what to do, who to tip, or where I left my clothes. And massages? Stress me out. I can’t handle being told to relax. Which, sadly, is an observation my hair dresser made during my last shampoo as well…

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Classic NYer May 17, 2012

Certainly, though, if the blog post was initiated by pre-spa Megan, and written by post-spa Megan, then that kind of counts as a guest post, doesn’t it?

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