The Epic Return of the Grandma

November 26, 2012

And thus my Grandma returns to Virginia.

My Grandma has returned.

I was saddened at the beginning of the year when she returned home to St. Louis, and not just by the shame I experienced at her local rental car agency.

So I was quite excited to learn that she would be moving, for real this time, back to Northern Virginia.

This was clearly an event worthy of a welcome sign.

(I was going to make a corresponding “Grandma” sign, but turns out that requires less laziness than resides within me.)

Those of you who remember the last time she was in town may recall that my Grandma is hilarious.

(For proof, please see my favorite Grandma story ever.)

Now, stories like the Skye is Gorgeous one don’t come along every day, so I was quite thrilled with my Grandma’s first words when I picked her up at the airport yesterday.

I walked over to her in baggage claim and smiled and she looked up at me, started, and said “How did you lose all that weight?”

I hesitated a moment before responding “I…Grandma, I haven’t lost any weight.”

I could detail to you the rest of that conversation, including her insistence that I certainly have since the last time she saw me, or her eventual concession that maybe my outfit yesterday was particularly flattering.

Or the two conversations we’ve had since then, both of which revolved around her insistence that I’m keeping my massive weight loss a secret.

But what I really want to focus on is the perfection of her initial sentence.

“How did you lose all that weight?”

Let’s break this down, shall we?

How did you lose all that weight?”

It’s not that she’s impressed I’ve slimmed down, rather puzzled and curious as to how such a thing could have occurred.

Have I starved myself?

Taken up long distance running?

Perhaps had an elective surgery?

She just wants to know.

“How did you lose all that weight?”

It’s not just that I look thinner or more toned, no, there is quite a bit of weight missing from my body and it’s quite the shock.

I’m not down a wee bit of weight, or a few pounds, or a single stone.

No, the weight lost is enough to be classified as “all.”

For, in my Grandma’s mental picture of me, I have all the weight.

Finally, ’cause I know you’re dying to see my magical transformation, I’ve dug up some photographic examples.

My Grandma moved back to St. Louis in Week Six of this year.

(Yes, Project Life has me now counting time in weekly increments.)

Becky Higgins Project Life Week 8

These photos are from the Oscars party I fake threw in Week Eight.

Denver, CO Thinness

This photo is me and my #ExcitedFace at Red Rocks while visiting Sharon a few months ago.

(I know, not exactly up-to-the-minute, but apparently I don’t take enough full body photos.)

(And, I promise you, any weight change in the last few months has been in quite the opposite direction of loss.)

And if all you’re left wondering is just how I accomplished my transformation?

Well, that’s a secret I’m apparently unwilling to share.

I can hardly wait for my next Grandma story,

Megan

~~~~~

Equally Awkward Reads

* 7 Things I Love About My Grandma’s House

* My Grandma & My Best Friend

* Movie Monday

The Epic Return of the Grandma

{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah November 26, 2012

Way to steal my post idea today. Hilarious things grandmothers say should be an instant internet trend on the Monday after Thanksgiving.

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Megan November 26, 2012

All the cool kids have awesome Grandma quotes.

(And want to know a secret? It took me forever to get the wrinkles jokes. For-ev-er.)

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Sarah November 26, 2012

You should have seen the look on my 18-year-old sister’s face. Priceless. (Apparently she thought her sense of humour came from nowhere and she’s super special because nobody else in my family is hilarious?)

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spilledinkguy November 26, 2012

People are constantly asking me if I’ve lost weight.
Again.
With a very concerned look on their face.
While a Sarah McLaughlin plays in the background.
So… that’s… probably… NOT… a good thing.
:)

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Megan December 4, 2012

It’s probably just a sign you have puppy dog eyes!

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Kimberly November 26, 2012

I want to roll your grandma up into a little ball and put her in my pocket . She is awesome.
My grandma used to say that to me too. Only she would ask my exact weight.

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Megan December 4, 2012

I would be far, far too frightened to give my Grandma my exact weight!

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John (Daddy Runs a Lot) November 26, 2012

I love your grandma. Truly.

I don’t think you have any weight to really lose (nor have you ever had any), so you’ll have to color me a bit perplexed by her comment.

Once, I was feeling rightfully proud of myself for purchasing smaller pants, as I had, actually, lost weight, and the new pants were a necessity. However, the day I wore them, a family member mentioned not how svelte I was looking, but said something like “I had heard you lost weight – looks like you found it all again.”

That is not my favorite family member.

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Megan December 4, 2012

Okay, that’s by far the funniest way to be incredibly mean to a relative. Also, I’ve only met you once, but you’re a totally normal-sized human.

(And it’s sweet you’re shielding me from the truth of all of my weight issues!)

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Tracie November 26, 2012

I am so excited that there are going to be many more Grandma stories.

You look pretty skinny to me.

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Mindee@ourfrontdoor November 26, 2012

I love your grandma stories. If she’s going to make mistakes about weight fluctuations and least she’s making them in the flattering direction.

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Kari @ bite-sized thoughts November 27, 2012

I can hardly wait either :) She is gold!

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Skye November 27, 2012

My grandmas both like to comment on my weight too. The southern one is always concerned that I’m too thin (since I’m one of the least overweight people on that side of the family), while the northern one sometimes likes to pinch my belly fat and comment that I’m looking “healthy” (aka not thin). Oh, grandmas!

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Megan December 4, 2012

Um, that’s amazing in so many ways I kind of want us to start a Grandma weight comment series.

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Karen Peterson November 27, 2012

Grandmas are just sooooo funny.

My grandma used to say things like that. I think she was trying to motivate me, but all she did was make me want to eat more cookies.

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Megan December 4, 2012

It’s just Grandmas’ gift! And in my case, it’s not hard, pretty much everything makes me want to eat more cookies!

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