The Kids and I (Attempt to) Make Brownies

The kids and I decided to make brownies.

Only brownies from scratch is far too fancy – we believe in brownie mixes in our family.

First you need eggs.

Which came after having a chicken.

Or a grocery store.

Depending.

If you break shell into the bowl, your sister will not hesitate to remove you from egg-breaking duty.

Sisters are always willing to enforce the law of the jungle.

Water is always best when out of the sink.

Unless you live someplace with smelly water.

Then bottled water should be used.

Unless you’ve grown to have a grudging acceptance of your putrid water.

I won’t judge.

Vegetable oil is added.

I’ve never attempted to use other kinds of oil.

But I’d love to hear your stories – I’m particularly intrigued by olive.

Did you know Tunisia is the world’s 3rd largest exporter of olive oil?

I gave my aunt whose kitchen we’re baking brownies in an olive wood vase as a souvenir from Tunisia.

See how it all comes together?

No?

At this point, your egg/water mixture should look like this.

Or maybe not.

Ours didn’t turn out so well.

This is water and oil mixing.

I always knew they’d overcome their differences and make peace.

Next: Israelis and Palestinians.

Mix mix mix, mix mix mix, mix your batter.

 

Apparently my cousins have succumbed to the lure of silly bandz.

Let’s all try not to judge.

There’s something about fake chocolate powder that just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

You?

Make sure to consult often with the box instructions.

Or this blog post.

Whichever you feel is the higher authority.

Hopefully the mixture will now turn gloopy.

That’s to be expected.

My mom once worked with a woman who swore that the secret to all great brownies is being baked in a glass pan.

It didn’t work out this time.

But let’s not blame her coworker completely.

To ensure the oven has reached the desired temperature, just stick any random body part inside.

As the oldest, it was my responsibility to hand this task off to my younger cousins.

Then, observing said task, make her stand there for another minute while I took a photo.

I’m all about safety.

All baking should be done with maximum joy and cheesiness.

But only the human kind.

Science has yet to perfect the good cheese brownie.

Then bake.

No shake necessary.

I have no idea why our brownies ended up with a strange, far too spongy consistency.

But I’m going to blame my mom’s coworker.

As the last important step, never forget to scour the brownies for long hairs that have made their way into the batter.

Then just pull those right out, ignoring the suspicious tracks it’ll leave in the brownies.

Consider covering said tracks with icing, but after discovering there’s no icing to be had, decide nobody will notice.

‘Cause nobody did notice,

Megan

The Kids and I (Attempt to) Make Brownies

Tagged as: Family is the bee's knees, In my dreams I'm Julia Child but in real life I'm Roseanne Barr