A sign it's not time to operate heavy machinery.
I took this photo as I pulled into my driveway on Sunday morning after having spent six hours driving home from NYC.
That’s normally a four hour drive, but I pulled out of a Maryland rest stop going North instead of South and didn’t notice for over half an hour.
I would blame my embarrassing mistake on exhaustion and nighttime if that was the first time it had happened.
Sadly, this past weekend marked the second time I’ve been outwitted by Maryland interstate restrooms.
I’m telling you this as a explanation for why I freaked out on Sunday.
Though you all know me well enough to know I need no excuse to be crazy.
Allison's boy is judging me.
Growing up in the suburbs, I’d never seen a gun before.
So I was quite excited for the shooting experience.
You know, so I’d have something to talk about at parties.
(Like smoking or riding motorcycles, shooting is cool. Television taught me that.)
Smile!
We arrived and signed pages of forms.
Looking back, those forms probably contained important safety information, but I didn’t bother to read them.
I did spend time getting to know Bob, my zombie.
That's my I'm-frightening-strangers expression.
And then I flipped out.
I’m still not sure why exactly – I didn’t think anything bad was going to happen.
But having my only past experience with guns being forced to memorize the correct response to “if you see a gun, what do you do?” I might have started panicking at the idea of being immersed in a building filled with them.
(You tell an adult!)
Jeff's my support system. Also my emergency computer fixer.
Unable to stop talking, I babbled about zombies and hunting and asked Jeff that he tell them I was brave at the end.
“I call ‘em like I see ‘em” he responded.
A man and his son were waiting for their number while sitting across from us, and from their expressions, they hadn’t found the shooting range frightening until I showed up.
Their number was called first, while I was in the middle of a spiel worrying that I’d really like shooting and become unhealthily addicted.
The father had ignored me so far, but turned while walking away, looking over his shoulder at me and said “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
I like to call this my sexy face.
I didn’t kill myself. Or anybody else.
But that’s another post.
Sometimes I hesitate before putting ugly photos online
Then I go “eh,”
Megan
The Tragic Death of Zombie Bob, Or How I Flipped In A Room Filled With Guns
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my gosh. Your driving experience. Stuff like that seems to happen to me more often than it should. When I was in college, and friend and I were driving from Pittsburgh to Cleveland and ended up 90 miles too far west because we didn’t realize that the exit numbers on the actual highway were different from the ones on our mapquest directions. D’oh.
Silly, silly mapquest. It’s always pulling silly tricks.
glad you survived it!!!!!!!!
Me too – I had cupcakes today, so it would have been a bummer to miss them!
You are brave. The thought of seeing a real gun up close makes me nervous! I would never be able to do that. Way to conquer your fears!
I hadn’t thought it would at all, but then actually seeing/holding/firing the gun completely freaked me out!
Sexy face??? Well, when you’ve got your safety glasses and sound deadening ear muffs on, at least your sexy time will be safe. Safety first…in bed.
Oh, I’m always safety first.
And if that requires safety glasses, well, then I’m gonna rock the safety glasses.
‘Cause I do look pretty hot in them.
Naturally.
Well, if that is your sex face then I don’t know if I can handle your unsexy face.
It is my sex face. I’m glad you noticed.
I’ve done that same stupid driving thing (well, not there, but here), except I ended up in the ghe-to (yes, I know that a hyphen isn’t necessary) and almost out of gas. Good times.
Has me thinking, maybe that would have been a good time to have a gun.
In the midst of it my gas light came on and I had to frantically find an exit with a station while flipping out.
So I feel your pain.
You look cute!
Aw, no pictures of us shooting? Poor Steve feels left out. And while I assume it’s a typo above, I really really hope that’s not just your sexy face, but also your sex face.
Curse you Maryland interstate restrooms! What exactly happens in those commodes that is so disorienting?
I vowed never to speak of Maryland interstate restroom incidents.
I’ve learned my lesson.
You are so stinking hilarious! Love your sexy face!
I’ll have to tell my husband he’s cool because he rides motorcycles. I tend to think motorcycle riding falls more under the “stupid” catagpry, but that’s just me.
I actually would never ride a motorcycle because I’m convinced I would die in a horrific accident, but my friends all assure me it’s cool, so your husband can feel vindicated by them!
I’m ace at the getting lost things as well. I once drove an extra 40 minutes in the opposite directing because of a rest stop as well. it was awesome. I’ll just let you think that was the only time.
Yes! See, I knew I couldn’t be alone in that – it’s surprisingly easy to just assume you’re going the right way!
(At least that’s what I tell myself.)
I’d like to think that the “eh” in this post was a special wink at me and my Canadian awesomeness. It can be our secret little thing. Am I creepy that way? Totally. But I am high on narcotics and I want to squeeze the shit out of your badass cuteness. Glad you didn’t kill yourself. That would have sucked.
Um… that was obviously the beginning of our secret Canadian-American “eh” love affair.
Thank goodness you got the memo – it was gonna get ugly if I had to email you about it.
Awesome you didn’t kill anyone, or yourself… my last experience with learning how to shoot a gun ended with my Dad telling me: “Hand me the dang gun before you kill yourself, or worse, me!!” I really didn’t do anything other than follow instruction. Really!
) I have a bit of a complex about it now….
I strangely thought that was how mine was going to end too, but strangely no.
On the other hand, not once was I told not to point my gun at other people, so it’s possible I was just in an unsafe environment and your dad actually cared about gun safety!
that freaky emoticon above really wasn’t meant to be creepy… it was meant to be
I liked it! It has a whole “angry/happy” vibe going, quite deep for an emoticon.
I was out of commission for two days and look what I missed! I love the “eh”. Now you’ve got me worried about usable skills. I don’t think they have shooting ranges here. Guns are illegal. Zombies will obviously attack Canada first.
Do you guys play cricket or is it just India that picked that up? Which reminds me, is Canada still slightly British? ‘Cause I had a whole debate with my friends about it the other day and none of us knew.
Yes, Americans truly are as ignorant as people think.
It’s quite sad.
Anyway – I’ve heard cricket bats are good for killing zombies. But if you don’t have those, then yeah, your country’s probably screwed.
Sorry.
The queen is on their money and they celebrate Queen Victoria Day. It’s very confusing. I say if there’s no British accent, it doesn’t count. I’ve seen no cricket, but you did give me the idea of hefting a curling stone. That’ll do.
Hmm… this sounds very unsure to me – are you saying that as an honorary Canadian you weren’t forced to learn all this stuff? Are you still truly an American at heart? And to think, I thought we bonded over my “eh.”
I’m so jealous- I don’t think they had zombie targets at the NRA range. At least, I didn’t get to use one. No fair!
I was distracted my your sexy face. It’s too sexy for words.
Also, I hope you murdered Bob. As cuddly as he is, zombies don’t want hugs. Well, maybe they do, but we should never get close enough to find out.
Those poor, poor love deprived zombies…
Oh! Zombie targets! How Yankee of your gun range. Living here in Redneckville I’ve been told our targets aren’t nearly as PC. I wouldn’t know from first hand experience. Gun terrify me.
I’m far too scared to ask what your targets are! And I weirdly hadn’t expected to be frightened of the guns, but I definitely was!
Al Gore once told me he invented the internet so you could share your sexy face with the world.
Oh Al – he’s such a kidder.
It was really all about my excited face.
As you might have guessed.