Did you guys know Skye’s a vegetarian?
(That Skye’s a vegetarian that is, I have no idea whether you knew or not.)
As such, all food we cook together is vegetarian.
(Or so she thinks…)
(Or am I?)
So when we cook things like chicken potpie, instead of chicken we use things like seitan.
For those of you who don’t know, it’s like fake chicken.
In that it’s not meat.
Not that it particularly tastes like chicken.
(The first time we ever cooked with it, we learned that Lindsey pronounces seitan like Satan.)
(And I think doing so really adds some excitement to meal preparation.)
(Are we ready for Satan?)
When cooking, a recipe is always useful.
We got ours, with a few modifications, from Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook.
If at all possible, don’t drop food into the burners.
Though we all have to do what feels right.
I borrowed that orange skirt from Skye and then it got mixed up with my clothes and only a few weeks ago I gave it back.
(I miss you.)
Potpie is nothing without carrots.
(Potpie, in most incantations, bears a striking resemblance to Bugs Bunny.)
Mix like the wind.
And chop like the wind.
Only slightly slower, for safety reasons.
Then cook like the wind.
With a hint of bouillon cube.
In its less familiar, paste-y form.
(Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with my camera lens, my cutting board is actually that stained.)
Make sure to use your fingers as much as possible.
After all, this is your meal.
If it doesn’t include your skin cells, how could you prove you made it?
Come to me, bouillon cube paste.
Don’t forget to add spices.
Like the all-important long, spine-y spice.
And the dark yellow, powder-y spice.
And the pepper-y looking spice.
(There’s a 79% chance that spice is pepper.)
(But it can’t be guaranteed.)
And it’s no fake chicken potpie until Satan arrives.
You can just use puff pastry if you’re too lazy to make your own crust ’cause you’ve spent the day helping orphans or reading treaties or water boarding.
Or if, like me, you’ve spent the day doing nothing but are just naturally lazy.
Now, you might be tempted to start eating now.
But that’s silly.
‘Cause first you have to cook your fake chicken potpie hybrid.
And maybe the puff pastry will rise in the over and look like a strange UFO settling over your vegetables.
But isn’t the reminder of extraterrestrial life a small price to pay for delicious vegetarian fare?
If you tuned in today
To see more of yesterday’s adorable goat photos
Have no fear
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