Did you guys know Skye’s a vegetarian?
(It’s true.)
(That Skye’s a vegetarian that is, I have no idea whether you knew or not.)
As such, all food we cook together is vegetarian.
(Or so she thinks…)
(Joking.)
(Or am I?)
(I am.)
So when we cook things like chicken potpie, instead of chicken we use things like seitan.
For those of you who don’t know, it’s like fake chicken.
In that it’s not meat.
Not that it particularly tastes like chicken.
(The first time we ever cooked with it, we learned that Lindsey pronounces seitan like Satan.)
(And I think doing so really adds some excitement to meal preparation.)
(Are we ready for Satan?)
(Of course.)
When cooking, a recipe is always useful.
We got ours, with a few modifications, from Veganomicon: The Ultimate Vegan Cookbook.
If at all possible, don’t drop food into the burners.
Though we all have to do what feels right.
I borrowed that orange skirt from Skye and then it got mixed up with my clothes and only a few weeks ago I gave it back.
(Orange skirt?)
(I miss you.)
Potpie is nothing without carrots.
(Potpie, in most incantations, bears a striking resemblance to Bugs Bunny.)
Mix like the wind.
And chop like the wind.
Only slightly slower, for safety reasons.
Then cook like the wind.
With a hint of bouillon cube.
In its less familiar, paste-y form.
(Don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with my camera lens, my cutting board is actually that stained.)
Make sure to use your fingers as much as possible.
After all, this is your meal.
If it doesn’t include your skin cells, how could you prove you made it?
Come to me, bouillon cube paste.
Don’t forget to add spices.
Like the all-important long, spine-y spice.
And the dark yellow, powder-y spice.
And the pepper-y looking spice.
(There’s a 79% chance that spice is pepper.)
(But it can’t be guaranteed.)
And it’s no fake chicken potpie until Satan arrives.
(See?)
(Fun.)
You can just use puff pastry if you’re too lazy to make your own crust ’cause you’ve spent the day helping orphans or reading treaties or water boarding.
Or if, like me, you’ve spent the day doing nothing but are just naturally lazy.
Now, you might be tempted to start eating now.
But that’s silly.
‘Cause first you have to cook your fake chicken potpie hybrid.
And maybe the puff pastry will rise in the over and look like a strange UFO settling over your vegetables.
But isn’t the reminder of extraterrestrial life a small price to pay for delicious vegetarian fare?
If you tuned in today
To see more of yesterday’s adorable goat photos
Have no fear
They’re coming,
Megan
~~~~~
Equally Awkward Reads
Vegetarian Chicken Potpie (An Attempts at Cooking Post)
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve always pronounced that word as Satan as well. Are you telling me that all this time I’ve been . . . GASP . . . incorrect? I refuse to believe such nonsense. Satan it is!
I’m pretty sure you need to start a cooking blog. Because it is perfectly clear what every single ingredient is, and I’m pretty sure you will pass Pioneer Woman in infamy.
Because you clearly are desiring infamy…Almost as much as I desire MEAT. But other than the lack of that one vital ingredient, the totally NONchicken pot pie looks fabulous.
If it is wrong that I jut licked my computer screen because this looks SO good then I don’t want to be right.
That looks yummy- can you send me the recipe? O:)
Wait, it’s not pronounced satan?
How did it turn out?
I’d be eating it with a thought that the vegetables were all transfixed by the monster UFO hanging out overhead, and therefore feel no pain as I mash them into gooey blobs of yumminess working their way down my digestive tract.
The only crust I’ve ever made from scratch that didn’t turn out awful was my apple pie crust . . . and that had lard (a vegetarian no-no) and vodka in it. So puffed pastry is the way to go.
On the “joking with vegetarians” front, one of my bosses (I have like 17 bosses at this job) went to India and brought back candy. Only, she had to quickly pull it out because all of the Indian workers here wanted to try it, but the vegetarians all said they wouldn’t eat it . . . you see, the candy had beef in it.
I would totally pronounce that like seitan, but not because it looks like it should be pronounced that way. Mostly because I imagine fake chicken tastes like pure evil.
Ah Megan, this has brightened up my morning enormously
Never stop blogging! And please share more of your cooking adventures – I sense a whole untapped area of amusement potential!
I am a fiend for pot pies. I would eat all of that even though I am a Ron Swanson-esque carnivore.
I seriously got hives when I read the word “vegetarian,” and yet, I read on. But unlike other unexplained actions – such as staring directly at a solar eclipse – there was no retinal damage. And I enjoyed this so much, especially because in my mind, I subbed in the words “real, once live, chunks of real chicken” any time you mentioned fake chicken.
And it was funny as hell. funny.as.hell.
mix like the wind eh?
i never knew that the wind knew how to use a spoon.
i learn something new every day.
Do you think that the wind will come to my house and do the laundry?
Michelin Stars! All-around!
(says they guy who can’t successfully boil water)
It looks good! I
think I like seitan. I know I like it more than Satan, but I’m not sure how it rates in comparison with tofu.
I think it’s better than tofu, though that’s because I feel like it comes from a point of view, whereas tofu is all wishy-washy about what it wants to be. (I’m a harsh tofu critic.)
This reminds me how much I miss living with Lindsey’s cookbooks. Oh… and Lindsey.
I made potpie the other day although not vegetarian. I’m not much for cook veggies so I just ate around them
. Also, store bought pie crust is mighty tasty!