Being my friend is not an easy gig.
There’s the excessive exposure to Cheez-Its.
The constant photography.
The fear of what I’ll say to people on whom you’re trying to make a good impression.
But lately, the bar to be my friend has grown even higher.
For now, once a week, you must perform.
Like you’ve been captured by the circus, or Sonny and Cher.
Worse than the performance, anything you do will be recorded.
And then shared with the Internet.
‘Cause I’m just that great a friend.
Please don’t try the marshmallow trick at home
It’s quite dangerous
And almost gave me a heart attack just watching,