Me, not quite naked
Yesterday morning I woke up late, hungry and sleep-deprived. Though I had so many things I wanted to share with all of you, it seemed impossible to focus on any specific one.
I was like a hypochondriac in an Emergency room, eyes frantically darting about, unsure of where I could sit down.
And I wrote a post.
A short, flighty post.
It wasn’t until later, when I’d read the comments, that I realized I’d made it sound as though I’d attended Kelly’s wedding naked.
I think the confusion started with my use of the word “nudity.”
In reality, I wore the above dress.
The sweet, sweet non-exposed what could have been.
When telling a story, you should always start at the beginning.
Someone once told me that.
It might have been Mother Goose – she’s always a pushy one with advice.
My story began on Twitter, when, unsure of what to wear to Kelly’s wedding, I asked for opinions.
My choice was between two dresses, a black sheath and a lacy black dress from the back of my closet.
(I had been told it was a cocktail style wedding.)
(All I know of cocktail style is black. Well, that and shrimp.)
Twitter was unanimous in support for the lacy black dress. One responder even referred to the other option as frumpy.
Hence I hold Twitter, and by extension the entire Internet, responsible for what then happened.
The front of the dress is suppose to lay like this.
And like this.
Only this is the back view.
EDIT: I am, in fact, wearing underwear in this photo - you CANNOT see my lady bits!
Sadly, when I entered the restroom my dress looked like this.
With every step I took, the inner lining of the dress would desperately twist to the right, until a short walk would leave it bunched around my waist, impossible to subtly rearrange in public.
Thankfully for everyone attending, my mom had encouraged me to wear underwear.
I’m confident she’ll be receiving gratitude flowers soon.
This is what it looked like from behind.
I’m sparing you the close-up.
Which, tragically, was not an opportunity afforded to the other wedding guests.
My bathroom photography continues,
Megan
Why Twitter Shouldn’t Run The World (And Why I Shouldn’t Write Posts Tired)
{ 58 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Megan. The only thing that would make this post better is if you took a picture with the lining messed up and your excited face… in the bathroom.
Man – how could I have not seen the perfection of that situation for my excited face?
Sigh.
Maybe next time…
(Though I suppose I hope there won’t be a next time, at least I’ll be prepared if there is!)
Haha. I hate when this happens. And of course, it always happens too late, like not in the privacy of your own house, where plenty other options to choose from just wait on their hanger.
Exactly! Walking all around the hotel didn’t bother the dress at all! It’s almost like the dress secretly wanted to shame me and knew it must first lull me into complacency.
Silly evil dress.
I hadn’t planned to laugh out loud this morning. It just takes a few lines from you…
Seriously, you are so sweet. And since it gives you such joy, I suppose I’m glad I exposed myself to all my childhood neighbors!
I like the dress and you look fabulous as usual
On the plus… you look super hot in your backward-glancing bathroom photo
Aw, shucks, thanks.
It would have been perfect except for the faucet looking like it’s coming out of my behind!
Thanks for the laugh!
Get a seamstress to attach the lining at the bottom of the dress and keep that dress because it looks great on you. Get rid of the other dress.
Strangely I hadn’t thought of that.
Only I’m super cheap, so I’ll probably attempt to do it myself.
Which can only end in another, quite different tragedy.
Oh no! This happened to me wearing a skirt once at a boyfriends family reunion. Super awkward. Can you pin or sew the lining to the bottom?
I actually did end up finding safety pins by the end of the night, but then it did a weird whole-thing-twisting.
Oh my, that’d be embarrassing! The dress looks great from the front!
I mean, it looks great when it’s not messed up…misunderstood your photo captions. =)
Ack! My first attempt at photo captions and I’m already confusing – that’s not a good sign!
Bwahaha!!! You have a great sense of humor and that’s why you are NOT gonna get mad at me for saying this…that last picture? Where you’re looking over your shoulder into the mirror? Your reflection looks like the sink faucet is biting you on the ass!!! =)
Oh, trust me, I am not one to be easily offended!
And I have to disagree – it definitely looks more like it’s coming out of my behind!
I am sorry for the wardrobe malfunction. Don’t give up on that hot dress though! A good seamstress can solve that problem. It is good enough to salvage.
Stopping by from SITS.
You’re right – now to convince myself it’s worth paying a seamstress instead of ruining it trying to do it myself!
Mostly i’m just irritated by how cute you look in the dress.
Don’t ask me for more today.
I just don’t have it to give.
Wait… so you’re not going to bake and send me cookies in the mail?
Really Lori, I though more was required each and every day.
Though maybe that’s in a marriage and not blog comments.
I always confuse those two.
Ha, I still think you look great!
Wll the dress is lovely and you look HOT in it. (Is it weird that I just said that?) So I think it was a good choice. Too bad that, like many of life’s choices, it was better in theory than in practice.
Of course it’s not weird – we’ve reached the level of friendship where discussing each other’s hotness is de rigueur.
That is one of the levels of friendship, right?
You look great! I wish I looked that great in cocktail dress.
Well, there’s a fine line between looking great and looking rentable. I fear I may have skirted it.
Oh the price we pay for fashion! The dress might not be behaving but you sure look hot in it!!
I know! But usually that just means pain and discomfort, not flashing!
what a disaster! oh my goodness….
Thanks for the comment on my page! Maybe you should’ve worn a black cami under the dress. I like how the lace dress looks though!
Had I know what was going to happen I definitely would have worn something else underneath the lace!
Dude. That is an AWESOME dress. You look great in it! Do NOT get rid of it. I agree with the rest of the commenters – get someone to tack the lining down and wear that dress OFTEN. It’s a show stopper!
And I agree with vickilikesfrogs – the faucet looks like it’s giving you a wedgie!
Oh, that naughty, naughty faucet.
It just can’t behave itself!
Well the lacy dress was definitely the one to wear, with or without the riding up effect.
You look fabulous in the dress!! But the bunching thing – yikes! Fortunately, I’m sure the other guests were wasted enough to not notice it a bit. (This is based on my limited knowledge of weddings, not on my [non-existent] knowledge of Kelly, who, I suppose, could have thrown an alcohol-free reception.)
Kelly married a man who works in a wine shop, so have no fear, there was plenty of alcohol! Which, yes, along with the dim lighting did make me feel quite a bit better about my exposure!
I don’t know if you know this but *whispers* I can see your lady bits in that dress!
I’m sufficiently mortified on your behalf. For what it’s worth though, your silhouette is pretty kickin’. It could have been far worse.
Trust me, I was quite mortified myself! And by lady bits I hope you mean underwear, because that’s definitely all you can see!
Had I been around for the vote I would have choosen the lace one too. I think it’s important to remember that the other wedding guests were drinking and maybe not seeing clearly enough to judge. Maybe?
And most importantly- was there shrimp?
Sadly, no. While the cocktail dress portion of the reception was correct, there were no cocktail shrimp present. It was quite sad.
I would have totally gone for the lace dress, and spent the evening trying not to move too much.
Oh, I tried. But it’s surprisingly hard not to move that much at a wedding. Especially not one with only a few tables!
I think you look mahhhhvelous even though you almost gave a peep show to unsuspecting wedding guests. Can you imagine what they’d be saying “Oh look Norm. There’s that girl with her stuff all hanging out. She probably drank way to much. She’s so inappropriate. Norm. Norm are you listening?” Norm:”Wha, I was just checking the goods on that little filly over there” Hahaha
Hahaha – the phrase “little filly” totally made my night!
OH NO!!!! You poor thing! Like I said, that OTHER dress would have been the best!
Hi Megan! Just wanted to stop by and say thank you for dropping by my blog earlier today. It was so nice meeting you!
OMG…I laughed so hard when I saw the closeup photo of your undies through the dress, and then read the caption!
But, I’ve gotta say….the dress is faaaaaaaaabulous! And you look great in it. LOVE the neckline!
Ah yes, the lovely consolation prize of humiliation is humor in retrospect! And the neckline was my favorite part – especially when it became the only part doing its job of covering my private places!
You look fabulous in that dress Megan!
cmom
I would tell you that you look super hot in that dress, but everyone else beat me to it, and we all know how raging your ego can be.
So instead let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. My girlfriend Dame Julie Andrews – not Mother Goose – probably taught you that lesson. Because she’s awesome. And I have really good taste in girlfriends. Except the girl from last year who stalked me for six months. And the girl who dumped me in an email over the summer. And the recreational drug user who was also dating someone else.
You know me so well.
And – DRAT! Yes – that is what I should have written. Ah, to go back in time and do it all over again.
(If your evil plan was to have the song stuck in my head forever, congrats, you succeeded!)
p.s.~ The drug user was my favorite. In case you were wondering.
Eyes blurry from laughing so hard. But still. Lady bits or not, you rocked that dress!
I seriously hope you don’t read my blog while operating heavy machinery.
And thanks – it was like small consolation prize after the shame.
I appreciate you completely taking the blame off of me and your mom, who both saw the dresses in person and also told you to wear the sheath one.
I’m sorry for my small part in what happened. But that dress seriously looks great on you! You should take other commenters’ suggestions and get the lining sewn in so you can wear it again!
OH MY GOODNESS!!! I am laughing so hard. I’m sorry. BTW does your mother typically discuss your undergarment options with you and the need to wear them? Note to self… tell my teenage daughters to ALWAYS wear underwear. LOL!!!
Women are so weird. Always searching yourselves for flaws. I thought it looked Fahhhbulass Dahling! I noticed no flaws until you pointed them out. Then I personally disagree that most of them were flaws. Bunching under the waist no good, otherwise….
Of course I am a pig. I accept this.
It wasn’t flaws I was focused on so much as exposing myself to my childhood neighbors!