Yesterday I came across a blog post by Monica Bourgeau suggesting everyone look back on 2013 and list 25 accomplishments. She suggests including things like:

projects you completed, celebrations you facilitated or took part in, family events you scheduled, taking care of your health by completing doctor or dental visits, thoughtful things you did for others, new hobbies or sports you started, fears you overcame, challenges or roadblocks you surmounted, supporting someone else through their challenge or roadblock, paying off debt, eating healthier, starting a gratitude practice, or donating time or money to a worthwhile cause.

When I made my list, it took a different turn.

But, despite their quality, I did accomplish quite a lot in 2013, including:

1. I sucked at least one person into my web of friendship.

(Her name is Lisa.)

(Let us hope she never reads this.)

(My web is only slightly sticky and prone to dropping its prey.)

2. I survived Skye moving to another country.

(untitled)

3. I forced my friends to take a sad group selfie outside a funeral.

4. I realized sad funeral selfies are actually a really bad idea.

5. I forgot my sad funeral group selfie realization during the after-party.

6. I realized that despite my inability to remember it’s called a reception, it’s also a really bad idea to call a funeral reception an after-party.

(In my defense, Allison mis-understood a text and thought we were being invited to a secondary reception, which could only be called the after-after-party, which is what placed the after-party phrasing in my mind.)

7. I re-realized sad funeral selfies are a really bad idea.

8. I realized I might not have forgotten the first lesson if funeral after parties didn’t come with free Whiskey.

(Mine also came with free ginger ale, as I’m not funeral hardcore.)

9. I did not burn down my house.

(Not every 2013 accomplishment took place at a funeral.)

(Though I did attend three funerals this year, one more than the number of weddings I attended, which a friend suggested is the ultimate sign of old age.)

My living room, right now. Because I'm bad at adulthood.

10. I organized my book shelves by color.

(Don’t worry, most of those skulls are seasonal.)

11. I decided color-coded bookshelves are a terrible idea as it now takes me roughly 10 minutes to find a specific book.

12. I resolved to re-organize bookshelves in 2014.

13. I stopped eating meat.

The excited face of a girl who remembered to do laundry and is thus wearing clean underwear!

14. I broke my first bone.

(Which led to my first non-wisdom teeth removing surgery.)

15. I finished reading all of Agatha Christie’s Poirot books.

(Unless that was in 2012. It’s all a Belgian murder solving blur.)

16. I ran my first (and last) zombie 5k.

17. I bought my first a lot of paint.

18. I started a non-fiction book club with my friends.

19. I stopped scheduling the meetings for the non-fiction book club, thus killing said book club.

(But in a very passive murder manner.)

20. I drank my first glass of sweet tea.

21. I did not have a single dog die under my care.

(The same cannot be said for cats.)

(Purrl, you’re sorely missed.)

22. I learned Vikings didn’t have horns on their helmets.

23. I ate a nut that had passed through an elephant.

I may have gotten myself a little something to remember Asheville by. #epicroadtrip

24. I discovered you can buy  happiness.

(And you can lose happiness.)

(Has anybody seen a green skull ring?)

25. I was not murdered by a serial killer.

(Due, I’m sure, to my constant vigilance, not, as my father suggests, it being an unlikely event that I fear because of deep-set paranoia.)

What were your accomplishments in 2013?

Megan

The 25 Awkwardest Accomplishments of 2013

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Zombie Run 2013

1. Having no sense of smell is a powerful gift.

Don’t let the word “running” fool you – zombie 5ks are filled with a great deal of crawling.

And slodging.

And a teensy bit of swimming.

But what you’re crawling through.

And slodging through.

Is something that looks like mud.

But smells like death.

Allison, who has almost no sense of smell?

Was the least nauseated during these portions of the race.

And that’s why I’ll keep her around when the apocalypse comes.

Zombie 5K

2. Having money will keep you alive a little bit longer.

This might seem an obvious lesson, though that it also applies to comedic runs was shocking to me.

The way zombie runs work is you wear a belt with red flags (i.e. lives) and zombies try and pull off your flags.

If your three initial lives seem like not enough, you can buy more.

Similar to how, in real life, you can put your millions to work on building that zombie-proof backyard amusement park.

(Then feel free to invite me over – my zombie apocalypse plans are currently fluid.)

Zombie 5K

3. People cheat like mad woah, even at things that don’t matter.

This seems a worrying realization.

After running our Zombie 5K, I had signed up (along with Jeremy and Allison) to be a zombie.

When we realized this was a 3 hour obligation, we knew we’d made a terrible mistake, but by then it was too late.

(Itself probably a good apocalypse lesson, but I was too tired then to parse out the details.)

During our run about half our group survived, half felled by zombies stealthily grabbing our lives as we darted about and around on small, windy paths covered in squishy mud and hard tree roots.

Yet it hadn’t occurred to any of us that the stated rules, that you can’t hold onto your bright red pieces of plastic, are being inforced by no one.

And if you thought I was the party bitch, you should have seen me as a tired zombie.

“THAT’S CHEATING. YOU’RE CHEATING. YOU’RE CHEATING AT A GAME THAT HAS NO MEANING.”

If the ten stranger zombies along our section of the race found my indignant yelling annoying, they were too concerned about my mental stability to say anything.

And while I shamed roughly half of the cheaters into letting their flags hang free, the other half only grabbed on tighter.

I can only imagine that, if faced with actual consequences outside of losing at a race with no prizes, people might cheat the same amount.

My point, basically, is that I now have less faith in humanity.

And more fear of breaking bones on forest pathways.

Zombie Run 5K, aka my non-excited face.

4. I will not survive the zombie apocalypse.

Or any other apocalypse.

My best bet is some sort of Internet apocalypse.

And even then, I’ll likely go as soon as Twitter’s infected.

Life has never seemed so precious

Or so short,

Megan

4 Lessons for the Apocalypse I Learned Running a Zombie 5K

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Read With Me

October 7, 2013

I'm only partially through with this book recommended by @lindseyastin, but enough to declare she has fabulous taste.

Sometimes a book makes me stop reading.

Not because it’s terrible.

Not even because it’s amazing.

Just because I finish it and want to keep reading that same book.

But because I don’t have another space memoir/history of clogging tome/literary novel about cherries available, I can wander away from books.

Book I'm LOVING of the moment.

There are many upsides to my time away from books.

I am almost caught up on How I Met Your Mother.

Only 80% of my body is sore from last weekend’s Zombie 5K.

(Have no fear, a post is coming as soon as I steal the photos.)

My entryway has once again been painted.

(7th time is always the charm, right?)

Starting early on next month's book club selection.  Now to become a magician.

One of the best parts of time away from reading is how exciting it is to get back into it.

Using my new cookbook to entertain myself as I hide from the storm.

And I’m currently enjoying a reading renaissance.

A very lovely lunch.

Aka, books are being moved from my basement’s Piles O’ Unread Books to my living room’s Shelves of Read Books Only, Please.

(My living room is rather formal, yet polite.)

What're you reading today?

It’s an exciting time to be a book owned by me.

What are you currently reading

Would you recommend it?

Megan

Read With Me

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