Apr 012009
In college, Lindsey and I started a tradition of always getting together on Tuesday nights. We have maintained this in the real world, and now my friends come over and I make dinner.
This is not as easy as it sounds, as Skye is a vegetarian who is allergic to nuts, and the rest of us are not keen towards meat substitutes.
Well, I say the rest of us, but I haven’t actually verified that. But I don’t like them.
And, well, I am the one cooking.
I knew I should have made being a better person my Lenten goal. There’s always next year.
This week, Skye had the idea that she could steal her roommates quesadilla maker.Then I had an idea. There are so many blogs and websites out there that have great recipes and give detailed instructions on how to cook a specific dish, but they neglect an important niche market.
Lazy cooks.
That is, people like me who tend to decide what they’re going to make at the last minute, and then frantically rope their friends into doing the cutting/peeling/stirring that the didn’t realize they needed to do.
Here is my attempt at quesadillas. And what’s a quesadilla without guacamole?
It all starts with an avocado.Doesn’t it always?
First you peel it.
(Look away from the pantry. The messy, disgusting pantry. Nothing to see there.)
And then…well, if you’re me, you squish the pit out.There is possibly a less messy way of doing this.
But why?
Then mash it all up with a fork.
MASH, Mash my pretties!! MWah ha ha.
Sigh, that was nice.
At this point you realize you have misplaced the cookbook you stole from your mom with the guacamole recipe in it.
“What, I would never do that!” you think.
Shush.
Well, guacamole has red in it, right?
So throw in a few tomatoes.
Doesn’t that look better?
Now mix it all up.Hmm, there has to be other stuff than avocado and tomato in guacamole though.
Frantically run to the computer and look up a guacamole recipe online.
Don’t write down this recipe. Just look over the list of ingredients, see that it’s mainly lemon and salt and run back to the kitchen.
Well, you don’t have lemon.But you have lime.
They’re basically the same, right?
You don’t worry about it, and squirt a random amount in the bowl.
Throw some salt in there.Annnnndddd….done!
See, that was easy.
Onto the quesadillas.
Wanna know one reason quesadillas are awesome?Everyone makes their own, so you can tailor them to each person’s preferences.
Nifty, huh?
You consider cooking chicken but then realize it would be easier to buy a whole chicken already cooked, and tear it up.
Remember to remove the skin first.This is impressive for you, and you feel proud of yourself.
To save time, make somebody else chop some lettuce.Thankfully, Jeff has a girlfriend for this very purpose.
Well, maybe just from my point of view.
Now tear the chicken with your bear hands.No need to cut it into certain sized pieces or anything, it’ll be fine.
Though you discover that some people are running late and dinner will be delayed, leave the guacamole on the counter.The browning will give it character.
Doesn’t that look much better than if you’d used a fancy knife?
What, your slave guest has nothing to do?Have her chop an onion.
Now you turn towards the tortillas.
It’s okay if you only have the tiny ones, which look kinda silly in the quesadilla maker.Just make a quesadilla sandwich.
It’ll taste the same.
This is my cooking motto.
Once each person makes their own quesadilla, you put it in the machine for a while.You are unable to figure out if there is a built-in timer, but the opening it up and looking every couple of minutes ’til it seems done works.
It’s all about being flexible.
And since everyone makes their own quesadilla, if they don’t like it, it’s their own fault.
Plausible deniability is the lazy cook’s best friend.
Don’t worry about putting the food on fancy serving plates or anything.
Just make everyone scoop their food out of bowls in the kitchen.
One man’s trashy is a lazy cook’s classy.
Hmm, pithy, I’m going to have to start saying that.
Now dance, dance with joy!That was your first successful lazy cooking adventure.
Stay tuned for next time, when hopefully nothing will catch on fire.
